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Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first

It seems an obese man in New York is attempting to sue four fast food restaurants because eating their food made him fat.

5-foot-10 and 272 pound Caesar Barber filed suit against McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken. He claims he thought the advertisement of these companies that their products are ’100 percent beef’ meant that they are good for you (no explanation of where KFC fits into that).

He further explained that the restaurants do not tell their patrons exactly what’s in the food, saying, “It’s all fat, fat and more fat. Now I’m obese.”

His lawyer, Samuel Hirsch, said the restaurants should list ingredients on their menus, despite the fact that the four chains have been providing nutritional information, including calorie and fat content, of their meals for years.

Now, the real question is whether this law suit will ever make it out of the clerk’s office. If this actually goes to trial it will open up an avenue for law suits like we can’t even imagine.

One thing is for certain, though, if, by some bizarre circumstance Mr. Barber wins his case, you will pay for his settlement every time you buy a cheeseburger.

First, ask your Internet Provider to mail you an Unsubscribing Kit. Then follow the directions.

The kit will most likely be the standard no-fault type. Depending on requirements, System A and/or System B can be used. When operating System A, depress lever and a plastic dalkron unsubscriber will be dispensed through the slot immediately underneath. When you have fastened the adhesive lip, attach connection marked by the large ‘X’ outlet hose. Twist the silver-colored ring one inch below the connection point until you feel it lock.

The kit is now ready for use.

The Cin-Eliminator is activated by the small switch on the lip. When securing, twist the ring back to its initial condition, so that the two orange lines meet. Disconnect. Place the dalkron unsubscriber in the vacuum receptacle to the rear. Activate by pressing the blue button. The controls for System B are located on the opposite side. The red release switch places the Cin-Eliminator into position; it can be adjusted manually up or down by pressing the blue manual release button. The opening is self-adjusting. To secure after use, press the green button, which simultaneously activates the evaporator and returns the Cin-Eliminator to its storage position.

You may log off if the green exit light is on over the evaporator. If the red light is illuminated, one of the Cin-Eliminator requirements has not been properly implemented. Press the “List Guy” call button on the right of the evaporator . He will secure all facilities from his control panel.

To use the Auto-Unsub, first undress and place all your clothes in the clothes rack. Put on the velcro slippers located in the cabinet immediately below. Enter the shower, taking the entire kit with you. On the control panel to your upper right upon entering you will see a “Shower seal” button. Press to activate. A green light will then be illuminated immediately below. On the intensity knob, select the desired setting. Now depress the Auto-Unsub activation lever. Bathe normally. The Auto-Unsub will automatically go off after three minutes unless you activate the “Manual off” override switch by flipping it up. When you are ready to leave, press the blue “Shower seal” release button. The door will open and you may leave. Please remove the velcro slippers and place them in their container.

If you prefer the ultrasonic log-off mode, press the indicated blue button. When the twin panels open, pull forward by rings A & B. The knob to the left, just below the blue light, has three settings, low, medium or high. For normal use, the medium setting is suggested. After these settings have been made, you can activate the device by switching to the “ON” position the clearly marked red switch. If during the unsubscribing operation, you wish to change the settings, place the “manual off” override switch in the “OFF” position. You may now make the change and repeat the cycle. When the green exit light goes on, you may log off and have lunch. Please close the door behind you.

OR you could always follow the instructions at the end of each issue!!!

Q: What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?
A: “The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul.”

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