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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.
“Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

Q: Why did God create Democrats?

A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Travis goes to the doctor and tells the doctor”I c-c-can’t s-s-stop s-s-stuttering”.the doctor checks him over and says”the problem is your dick is to big and it’s pulling down on your vocal cord and causing you to stutter.the way to fix it is to cut half of it off”.Travis says “w-w-whatever it t-t-takes”.
Six weeks later Travis goes back to the doctor and says”I don’t stutter anymore but my wife and girlfriend left me.i want you to put it back on”.the doctor said”F-F-Fuck y-y-you”.

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, “Why did you become a lawyer?” In seconds, he chooses Paul.

Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. “I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?”

“I said I became a lawyer because of my hands,” Paul replies.

“Your hands? What do you mean?”

“Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them!”



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