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(To the tune of “A Few Of My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music)

Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns who while ‘way the hours,
Profits from futures that Hillary brings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Beating the draft board and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships some hacks I’ve selected,
Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,
Coming out fine after having knee surgery,
Stars in the White House who come here to sing,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,
States of the Union with lots of baloney,
Winning debates and the joy of my flings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

- The wind is faster than your truck.

- Every other vehicle is a 4×4.

- When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.

- In March, your vehicle is 43% mud.

- You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it’s still there.

- You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool.

- You hear the words “stream” or “brook” pronounced “crick.”

- The elevation exceeds the population.

- You’ve broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.

- You can see the stars at night.

- People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.

- Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.

- You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.

- The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.

- Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals.

- A girls’ basketball game fills the gym.

- You slept through the night unawakened by a siren.

- A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.

- You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.

- Yellow light means “follow the car in front of you no matter what.”

- Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.

- You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.

- You talk about a combine and people don’t wonder what you are putting together.

- In the spring, every tenth car you pass is a tractor.

- When the car in front of you is weaving you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk.

- Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle’s “jocky box.”

- You can choose plastic bags or paper sacks for your groceries.

- You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road.

- You know why people pay money to watch “pig wrestling.”

Q: What’s the difference between an accordion and a concertina?

A: The accordion takes longer to burn.

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out.

The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department’s work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

“That should be obvious,” he responded, “the first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck.”

Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.

© 2015