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How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?

The bow is moving.

Q: How are tough teachers like umpires?
A: They both penalize you for errors!

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?

So you don’t have to re-train the cellists.

What’s yellow, hen-pecked and lays chicks?
Bill Clinton.

Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap and are protected by the government.

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