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Q: How do you get five oboes in tune?

A: Shoot four of them.

Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her over with a steam roller?

A: Be flat, major.

What is the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?

A: Add vibrato.

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says “I was a jazz musician…kill me now!”

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