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Q: Have you heard about the conductors word processor?

A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?

A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet.

Q: How can you tell when a drummer is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

What’s a accordion good for?

Learning how to fold a map.

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

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