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How do you know when a trombone player is at your door?

The doorbell drags.

Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?

A: Half a measure.

Q: What’s the difference between an accordion and a concertina?

A: The accordion takes longer to burn.

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

What’s the definition of an assistant conductor?

A mouse trying to become a rat.

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