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Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?

He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell him which one.

What’s the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?

The jewelry.

What is the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

What’s the definition of an optimist?

A choral director with a mortgage.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand

Don’t bother. Just leave it out–no one will notice

One, but the guitarist has to show him first

Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light

One. Five. One. Five

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