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One day Timmy came home from school very excited… “Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around ‘P’!” His mother said, “Very good, dear. That’s because you’re a bari player.”

The next day, Timmy was even more excited. “Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!”

“Very good, dear,” his mother replied. “That’s because you’re a bari player.”

On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. “Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I’m the tallest one in my class! Is that because I’m a bari player?”

“No dear,” she said. “That’s because you’re 27 years old.”

Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house. Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was. “Great,” says Joe. “You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom’–well there are some guys uptop singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time.”

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?

A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one.

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years’s eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, “You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I’d like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year’s eve to play?? …

The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says “Sure .. we’d love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here??”

Band Director on phone: “Doctor, Doctor, what do I do ? My oboe player just swallowed her reed !

Doctor: “Well…use a muted trumpet.”



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