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Q: What’s the difference between God and a conductor?
A: God knows He’s not a conductor.

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, “I could do that better.

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: “We make the best violins in the world.”
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: “We make the best violins on the block.”

Q: How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?

The conductor. Business before pleasure.



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