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Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

A: Drool.

What do you do with a horn player that can’t play?

Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can’t do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.

A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded “It’s the least I could do, since I won’t be at the performance.”

Q: Why did they invent keyboards?
A: So musicians would have someplace to put their beers.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A: You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.

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