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How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tuba glue.

Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again.

Person 2: Yes, but it’s much more terrible if he doesn’t realize it.

How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.

What’s the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?

1.Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
2.It’s easier to improvise on a chainsaw.

How long does a harp stay in tune?

About 20 minutes, or until someone opens a door.

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