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An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, “So? What did you do?”

“We just shut down two engines.”

The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used
for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are
actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”….

– His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

– I would not breed from this Officer.

– This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.

– When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

– He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

– He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

– Technically sound, but socially impossible.

– This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

– This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

– When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

– This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

– Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

– She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

– He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

– This Officer should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.

– In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

– The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

– Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

– This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

– Only occasionally wets himself under pressure

After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: “Due to my metabolic inability to cope with change I did not respond to external stimuli and remained in a comatose condition.”

The C.P.O., who didn’t understand a word, listened to this report with awe and sent the sailor to the psychiatrist.

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were
invited to the Colonel’s home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was
partnered with the Colonel’s wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his
wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel’s wife smiled demurely, “Don’t worry about it; this is the first
time all evening that I’ve been able to tell what he has in his hand.”

It was the age when knighthood was in flower.
A young lady was pounding away at a piece of
iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady
saw her and asked, “What are you doing?”
The first one answered, “I’m making socks and
sweater for some soldier boy!”



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