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Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. “My sergeants are wonderful”, said one soldier.

“I wish I could say the same about mine,” said the other.

“You could if you could lie as I do.”

On the night of graduation, a father approached his son and asked him, “Son, now that you finished high school, what are you going to do with your life?”

The son replied, “I think I am going to join the peace corps.”

“That’s wonderful, I was in the peace corps when I was your age. I found it rather fulfilling.”

A couple of years went by and the son came home from the peace corps. The father asked the son, “Now that you have helped out in the peace corps, what are you going to do?”

The son replied, “I am going to join the marines.” The father’s eyes lit up with amazement.

“I am so proud of you son. I went into the Marines, too. It taught me discipline, and most of all, respect for myself. Son, in all my years of being your father, you have never disappointed me yet.”

The son left for boot camp a couple of weeks later, where he was put through some of the most rigorous training of his life. One of the last phases of his training included jumping out of an airplane. This frightened him to no end.

He decided to give his father a call, telling him how scared he was, and his father told him not to worry, everyone would be scared.

A couple of weeks went by and the son came home from basic. The father noticed his son’s behavior had changed. He was sullen. “What’s wrong son? Tell me what’s on your mind. Nothing you can say will disappoint me. I am very proud of you.”

“You might want to sit down for this dad,” the son said. “The day we were up on the plane ready to jump I was the last one. I got up to the door and I couldn’t do it!” exclaimed the boy. “My drill sergeant looked at me and yelled, ‘Soldier, if you don’t jump out of this plane this damn instant, I am going to stick my big hairy pecker up your little ass!’”

The fathers eyes widened when he asked, “Well did you jump?”

The son replied, “Only at first.”

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself.”

“By shooting?” reasked the company commander, “Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible.”

Little Willie asked his mother: “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?”

“Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?”

“There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.”

“Oh, that’s because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.”

Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?

A: He’s the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

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