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GETTING BACK ON SCHEDULE

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon. When the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. So every day the husband would get home at 5 o’clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. In the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15.

This went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. The shot killed all the germs inside her except for three. These three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. One germ said, “I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot. I don’t think the antibiotics will find me there”.

A second exclaimed, “I am going to hide behind her right ear. I don’t think they’ll find me there.”

The last germ said, “I don’t know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I’m gonna be on it!”

Handsome young man, from behind a screen: I’ve taken all my clothes off, nurse. Where shall I put them?’
Young burse: ‘On top of mine.’

A man walked into a psychiatrist’s office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. The shrink frowned and said, “I see you need my help!” The guy said, “Yeah, Doc. Got a match?”

“Viagra, the quicker, dicker upper.”
“Viagra, one-a-day, like iron.”
“Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.”
“Viagra, home of the whopper.”
“Viagra, it plumps when you take ‘em.”
“Viagra, strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”
“Viagra, tastes great, less filling.”
“Viagra, ten inches long…and growing.”
“Viagra, we work harder, so you don’t have to.”
“This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions?”
“Get a piece of the rock.”
“You’ve come a long way, baby!”
“Viagra, built ram tough.”
“Here’s the beef!”
“Just do her.”

UNETHICAL DUTIES

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn’t really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said “Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients so its not like you’re the first…”

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, “… but they probably weren’t veterinarians”



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