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Man: Doctor, me leg keeps talkin’ to me.

Doc: Don’t be ridiculous!

Leg: Lend us a fiver!

Man: Told ya.

Leg: Giz a tenner!

Doc: My God!

Leg: Eh

Doc, can you spare 20 quid?

Doc: I know your problem. Your leg’s broke!

Did you hear about the snake that took Viagra and ended up as a walking stick?

They’ve discovered the secret ingredient in Viagra.
Fix-a-Flat!

Viagra has been a big boon to “stand up” comedians.

The man spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he’s hard up.

Viagra in chocolate bars – you eat it … she says, “Oh, Oh Henry!”

A bank sign in Dallas during this heat wave complains: “Who put Viagra in the thermometer?”

Bread with Viagra as an added ingredient is being marketed through a Boston bakery under the name “Pepperidge Firm.”

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.

A guy said that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

A woman went to the doctor complaining of terribly bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questioned her, “There must be something you’re doing that you haven’t told me about. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?”

“Well,” the woman said a little sheepishly, “my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.”

“That’s got to be it,” said the doctor. “There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.”

“Not if you’re going to watch television, there ain’t!” she replied

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him … BUMP… ….BUMP… ….BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him … faster… faster… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping … clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in.

His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything … but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin …

…. and of course … the coffin stops!

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?”

She said, “No?”

“Well,” he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”



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