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A doctor asks his blond patient what hurts. She says “everything”. He touchs a part of her body and asks “does this hurt?”. “No” she says He keeps doing it and tells her to touch herself. OUCH she screams. It turns out she had a broken finger.

- Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.

- His restrooms are labeled “Bleeders” and “Non-Bleeders”

- Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.

- Does an extensive search for cavities…dental and body.

- He…ummm..licks his tools clean.

- Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.

- When you come to from being under the gas, he’s quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.

- Wears a necklace made of human teeth.

- Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.

- Insists that a Novocain shot is something that he’ll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.

Patient: ‘Give me a kiss, nurse.’
Nurse: ‘No.’
Patient: ‘Please give me a kiss, nurse.’
Nurse: ‘Certainly not!’
Patient: ‘Go on, nurse, kiss me!’
Nurse: ‘No, sir – and I’m not even supposed to be in bed with you.’

Concerned about his failing manhood, a farmer went to the local doctor for help. The doctor gave him a small container of Viagra and told him to take no more than one a day.

Back home, the farmer thought he’d try the medication on his stud horse first. The horse swallowed the pill, jumped out of his stall, kicked a side of the barn over, and ran off down the road.

“Those pills are too strong for me,” the farmer thought, and poured the rest into his well.

Later, when the doctor came to check on him, the farmer told how he had disposed of the medication.

“Heavens!” exclaimed the doctor. “You haven’t drunk any of the well water, have you?”

No,” said the farmer. “We can’t get the pump handle down.”

A doctor needs three things to be successful

1. To have grey hair, to look distinguished;
2. To be moderately overweight, to look prosperous;
3. To have painful haemorrhoids, to have a constant look of grave concern.

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