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A woman went to the doctor complaining of terribly bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questioned her, “There must be something you’re doing that you haven’t told me about. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?”

“Well,” the woman said a little sheepishly, “my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.”

“That’s got to be it,” said the doctor. “There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.”

“Not if you’re going to watch television, there ain’t!” she replied

1 After everything he says, say, “And how does that make you feel?”

2 Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair. When he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the desk, etc…

3 Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.

4 Point at random things and say, “Where did you get that?”

5 Try to talk him into sitting on the floor.

6 Tell him you think his secretary is really a man.

7 Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.

8 Bring pots and pans and bang them together when he asks a question you don’t like.

9 Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.

10 Sit underneath your chair.

Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, “What have you done to enter Heaven?”
“I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord’s babies into the world.”
“Good enough to enter the gates,” replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.
“I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor.” St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.
The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, “I am a director of a HMO.”
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, “Fine, you can enter Heaven… but only for 2 days.”

This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks “What for?”
She says “I want to kill my husband”.
He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.”
She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it to him.
He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription… “

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

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