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When the man in the street says: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” the lawyer writes: “Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures.”

Q. How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

A doctor and a lawyer in separate vehicles collided on I-95 one foggy night. The fault was questionable, but both were shaken up, and the lawyer offered the doctor a drink from a pocket flask. The doctor took the flask with a shaking hand and belted back a couple of swallows.

As the lawyer started to put the cap back on the flask the doctor asked, “Aren’t you going to have one too, for your nerves?”

“Of course I am,” replied the lawyer, “after the Highway Patrol gets here.”

A doctor, a priest, and a lawyer are adrift on a raft in the south Pacific. They’re just about out of water, food, and hope, when they spot a small island. Only problem is, between the raft and the island is a large hungry school of tiger sharks.

The doctor insists, “I’ll swim for the island and bring back coconuts and maybe even help. If the sharks attack me, with my medical knowledge I’ll be able to tend to my wounds.” The priest says, “No, no my son, I shall swim for the island. I will pray as soon as I hit the water and with my connections I’m sure to make it.”

While the doctor and priest are arguing over who is to go, the lawyer dives into the water and swims toward the island. Miraculously, the sharks move away and clear a path for the attorney. A little while later, the barrister retruns to the raft with a lovely bunch of coconuts. And again the sharks clear a path for him.

He finally gets to the raft and the bewildered doctor and priest ask him what was the source of this miracle, and he replied, “Professional courtesy, of course!”

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.



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