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Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.

On visiting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible ” What are you doing?” asked the friend. “Looking for loopholes,” replied the lawyer.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

A defense attorney was cross-examining a Chicago police officer during a felony trial… Iit went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in the police station — a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back and neck. The lawyer turns around and yells at the person behind him, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The man behind him says, “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” To that the lawyer replies, “Well, I’m a lawyer, and you don’t see me fucking the guy in front of me, do you?”

© 2015