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Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

Materials needed for Torts 101 include a baking sheet and apron.

Morley Safer and his camera crew are on campus more often than you are.

You last the entire eight weeks and Sally Struthers personally signs your diploma.

Professors always accept 5th Amendment as an excuse for not turning in homework.

Every question answered with, “You can’t handle the truth!”

Two words: Dean Wapner

Three hours a day is spent chasing a little metal ambulance around a dog track.

In mock trials, the judge always sentences you to a spanking.

Your roommate is on a “John Gotti Scholarship.”

A long New Orleans style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it’s lead by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 200 people.

A bystander asks the man, “What’s going on?”

“My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral,” is the reply.

“Could I borrow your lion?” asks the bystander, “I’ve got a lawyer I’d like to have eaten.”

“Sure, get in line.”

In the USA, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
In Switzerland, everything that is not prohibited by law is obligatory.

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