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Q: Why don’t snakes bite attorneys?
A: Professional courtesy.

Two probate lawyers were overheard while discussing a current case: It’s such a splendid estate. What a shame to squander it on the beneficiaries.

A man walking on the beach came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appeared.

“For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie.

“But there’s a catch,” the genie continued. “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive double what you asked for.”

First, the man wished for a Ferrari. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of him.

“Now, every lawyer in the world has been given two Ferraris,” said the genie. “What is your next wish?”

“I could really use a million dollars.” replied the man, and POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.

“Now, every lawyer in the world is two million dollars richer,” the genie reminded the man, and then asked him for his third wish.

The man thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”

Q: Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, “lawyer” is always the third thing they look up?
A: Because the first thing a child looks up is “dog.” The second is “snake.” And under snake, the encyclopedia says “See Lawyer.”

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.

The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!” Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff.

Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.

The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!” Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff.

The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.

The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “Bullshit, come!” Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff.

Bullshit immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.



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