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Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys.

A man walked into a curio shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently, they agreed on a price, and the brass rat changed hands.

The shopkeeper warned the customer as he took the money, “This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won’t take it back under any circumstances.” The customer agreed and left with the rat.

As he walked home, he noticed that a live rat came scurrying out of an alley and began to follow him. Soon there were more, all following him and milling about his feet. The man began to run, but the rats kept up, and more joined the procession. After a few minutes, thousands of rats were chasing after the man.

The man ran frantically for the river and threw the brass rat into the water. The live rats followed the brass rat and soon all had drowned.

The man returned to the curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the shopkeeper shouted, “I told you, the sale was final! You cannot return the brass rat!”

The customer replied, “That’s no problem. I just wondered if you had a brass lawyer in stock.”

Q: Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
A: New Jersey got first choice.

A man was in court for a double murder and the judge said, “You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, “You bastard!”

The judge continued, “You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer.”

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, “You damn bastard!”

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?”

The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, “For fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he never had one!”

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him.

The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners.”

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”



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