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Q: What do you think of Victoria’s Secret for employee incentives?
A: Incentives to do what?

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
He who hesitates is probably right.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
The last person that was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.
“Hold it, hold it,” the fellow said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?”
“Well, we work for the county government,” one of the men said.
“But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the county’s money?”
“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us, me, Joe and Mike. I dig the hole, Joe sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.”
“Yea,” piped up Mike. “Now just because Joe is sick, that doesn’t mean we can’t work, does it?”

Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”.

Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: “We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.”

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That’s because it’s unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me ” What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.

My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.

I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too … but at least I respect him.

He’s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.

Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.

Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: ” I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!”

HR Manager to job candidate “I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.”

Quote from telephone inquiry “We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.

“Where did you receive your training?”
“Yale.”
“Good, and what’s your name?”
“Yim Yohnson.”



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