Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!

Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
A: Depreciation.

An accountant appears at Saint Peter’s gate
Saint Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven.
The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, St Peter asks, “Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life?” “Well,” says the accountant, “Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up and about to be raped by a bunch of bikers. So I yelled “Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size” and I then kicked all their hogs over, all six of em, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also.
Saint Peter asks, “I’m looking through the book of your life, and Idon’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?”
The accountant replies, “About five minutes ago.”


1. Any person with a valid Washington DC hunting license or a Federal Income Tax Return may harvest government economists.
2. Taking of economists with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of economists with a vehicle is prohibited. If one is accidentally struck, remove the dead economist to side of the road and proceed to the nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest economists from limousines, Mercedes Benz’s, the Metro, or Porsches.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout “research contract” or “I need a policy consultant” for the purpose of trapping economists.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt economists within 100 feet of government buildings.
7. It shall be unlawful to use decision memos, draft legislation, conference reports, or RFP’s to attract economists.
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt economists within 200 feet of Senate or House hearing rooms, libraries, whorehouses, massage parlors, special interest group offices, bars, or strip joints.
9. If an economist is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it. It will also be a shame.
10. Stuffed or mounted economists must have a DC Health Department inspection certificate for rabies and vermin.
11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female congressional aid, sheep, legislator, policy maker, bookie, lobbyist, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting economists.

Bag limits

1. Econometrician: 2
2. Two-faced Policy Analyst: 1
3. Macro Policy Wonk: 4
4. Big-mouthed Populist: 2
5. Relevant Economist: EXTINCT
6. Cut-throat Administration Seeker: 2
7. Back-stabbing Senior Author: 2
8. Brown-nosed Deputy Kisser: 2
9. Silver-tongued Congressional Consultant:; $100 BOUNTY
10. Wise-assed CivilLibertarian: 7 11. Staff economist: NO LIMIT

Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the AD (agg. demand) to the right,…

Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
A2: None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
A3: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
A4: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
A5: Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
A6: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

© 2015