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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems
many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know,” said the Departmental Manager. “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement, Change Management, Re-Engineering and Service Integration, find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer. “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”

“Well,” said the Software Engineer. “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hitech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.

IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.

GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.

GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can’t wait to hear this bull!

SEE ME or LET’S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I’m lonely.

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

RUGGED
Too damn heavy to lift!

LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.

ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.

LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys’ laps. After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer.

Surprised, he replied, “Yes, I am! How did you know?”

“Easy,” she said. “I’m getting shocked by your soldering iron.”

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, “Are you a mechanical engineer?”

He said, “Why, yes, ma’am. How did you know that?”

“Simple,” she said, “Your piston is scraping my cylinder.”

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, “Are you a civil engineer?”

“I certainly am,” he answered. “How could you have known that?”

“Well,” she said, “I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village.”



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