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One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” he stammered.

“King Street,” answered the woman.

“You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?”

“Well madam,” he answered, “I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, “Got anything smaller?”

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains became too much and he could go no farther.

So he stuck his thumb out and after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride.

Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radio’d ahead to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass.”

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains became too much and he could go no farther.

So he stuck his thumb out and after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride.

Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radio’d ahead to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass.”

A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike. The officer says, “Pull over”, and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.

He says, “I’m sorry, officer, was I speeding?”.

The police officer says, “No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back.”

The man replies, “Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf.”

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

We’re staying together for the sake of the cats.

It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.

My karma ran over your dogma.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

I don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.

Welcome to Texas, now go home.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some of your own.

Life’s too short to dance with ugly men.

Life’s too short to dance with ugly women.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she’s going to leave me … Gosh, I’m going to miss her.

When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

I is a college student.

Beer isn’t just for breakfast any more.

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.



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