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Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”

The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”

The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”

Benjy had been arrested and was now up before the judge.
The judge asks, “Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?”
“Yes,” replies Benjy.
“Could you please tell the court what you stole.” asks the judge.
“I stole a dress, your honour,” replies Benjy.
“Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times,” says the judge.
“Yes I did, your honour,” says Benjy, “but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before.”
“Return the dress? Why? I don’t understand,” says the judge.
“Because my wife Bette didn’t like the design, your honour.”

Two men on death row were scheduled for back to back executions. On the appointed day, the warden asked each if he had a last request. “Yes, sir,” the first man said. “I’d really like to hear some rap music one last time.”

“And you?” the warden asked the other.

“Please,” the second man pleaded, “Kill me first!”

* Inmates who don’t flush after eating chili for lunch.

* Inmates who look like the sperm used to conceive them was 100% steroids.

* Coming up with one too many during a head count.

* Having to break up a fight in the shower.

* Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.

* Recognizing the newest inmate as your proctologist.

* The fact that inmates get more cable channels than you do at home.

* Having a new neighbor move in next door who looks wa-a-a-y to familiar.

* Being on a first-name basis with a serial sex killer.

* Finding a hole in your glove after completing a body cavity search.

* Learning that your mother just announced her engagement to # 93A44274.

* Inmates who don’t flush after eating chili for lunch.

* Inmates who look like the sperm used to conceive them was 100% steroids.

* Coming up with one too many during a head count.

* Having to break up a fight in the shower.

* Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.

* Recognizing the newest inmate as your proctologist.

* The fact that inmates get more cable channels than you do at home.

* Having a new neighbor move in next door who looks wa-a-a-y to familiar.

* Being on a first-name basis with a serial sex killer.

* Finding a hole in your glove after completing a body cavity search.

* Learning that your mother just announced her engagement to # 93A44274.



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