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The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before and the next day he went to work not feeling to good. At the first pole that he had to work on, he climbed to the top and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped it. So, he had to climb all the way down to retrieve it.

As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy was there.

He said to the lineman, “My daddy is a lineman to and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn’t have to climb down the pole after the pliers that you dropped.”

The lineman tried to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About this time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail, and as he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it.

When he climbed down the pole, sure enough the little boy was there.

“My daddy is a lineman and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn’t have to climb down,” said the youngster.

This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom. So down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the brushes to take a leak.

As he was going he saw the little boy watching him through the brushes.

He had had it and says to the boy, “I’ll bet your dad doesn’t have two of these does he?”

The boy replied, “No, but his would make two of yours!”

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, “I am a blind carpenter and I need a job.”

The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, “If you’re blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?”

The blind carpenter says, “I can tell any piece of lumber by it’s smell.”

The foreman says “O.K. I’ll give you a test and if you pass the test, you’ve got a job.”

The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, “I will put some lumber on a table in front of you and you tell me what it is.”

The foreman then puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, “Ready!”

The carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other. He says “That’s a number two pine, two by four, eight foot long.”

The foreman says, “Duh! That’s right, but pine is easy to tell by the smell and I think you guessed the rest. Here’s another piece of lumber for you to identify.”

The foreman puts a piece of lumber on the table and says, “Ready!”

The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, “This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side.”

The foreman does this and says “Ready!”

The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He then says, “That’s a clear heart red wood, four by four, six foot long.”

The foreman is amazed and says “That’s right, but I still think you’re just lucky and still guessing. Let me try one more time and if you get it right you got a job.”

The foreman then goes into the office and asks his secretary to help him stump the blind carpenter by taking off all of her clothes and laying down on the table. She takes off her clothes walks out of the office and lays face down on the table. The foreman says, “Ready!”

The blind carpenter takes a deep sniff moving his head from side to side. He looks puzzled and takes another sniff and says, “This also is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side.”

The foreman gestures with his hand to the secretary, she rolls over, and the foreman says, “Ready!”

The blind carpenter moves his head from side to side again looking puzzled. He sniffs one more time, looks surprised, and says, “I got it. That’s a shit house door off a tuna boat.”

He got the job.

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. Your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a lot of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. You have no job satisfaction.

9. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

10. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

11. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.

12. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you’re left hanging with only other “professionals.”

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

16. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it’s not your problem.

17. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

18. You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.

19. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.

20. The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

21. When you deduct your “take” from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

22. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, “I’m not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life.”

23. Your client and pimp seem more concerned about how you look than what you know.

24. Your pimp doesn’t care what you have to do to please the client.

25. Your pimp can’t perform your job.

26. You’re required to play roles for money.

27. Your customer doesn’t always want others to know everything they request.

This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.

While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.

The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.

“I think it was sex-related, ” offered one of the crew.

“Sex related? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.

“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that cocksucker go?'”

This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he’d asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.

While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.

The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.

“I think it was sex-related, ” offered one of the crew.

“Sex related? How do you figure that?” said the investigator.

“Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming, ‘where did that cocksucker go?'”



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