Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day’s work.
He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, “Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It’s the least I can do.”
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
“Oh my!” he whispered loudly, “It’s my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!”

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
His model showed up and, after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day’s work.
He told her not to bother, since he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said, “Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It’s the least I can do.”
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
“Oh my!” he whispered loudly, “It’s my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!”

In the prime of her career, a world famous painter started to lose her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor’s office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.
When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art – the doctor’s office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, “What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?”
The eye doctor responded, “I said to myself, ‘Thank God I’m not a gynecologist.’

A teacher, a painter and a stockbroker find themselves waiting outside the pearly gates. Eventually, St Peter emerges and informs them that in order to get to heaven, they’ll each have to answer one question.

St Peter turns to the teacher. “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They made a movie about it.” The teacher answers quickly, “That would be Titanic.” St Peter lets him through the gates.

He then turns to the painter and asks: “How many people died on the ship?” Unfortunately, the dustman has just seen the DVD. 1,228,” he answers. “That’s right! You may enter.”

St Peter then turns to the stockbroker. “Name them.”

  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
  • >


© 2015 ijokedb.com