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Matt’s dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.”
“That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.”

Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: How many assistant directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she has to check with the director first to make sure he wants the bulb there.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don’t like to share a spotlight.

Q: What do you call 20 actors at the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start.

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