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Q: What’s the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?

A: The lipstick.

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?

A: The knocking gets faster.


Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
The 70 year old man says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.”

The 80 year old man says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement.”

The 90 year old man says, “At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow.”

“So what’s your problem?” ask the others.

“I don’t wake up until nine!”

Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth?

A: He thought he was in a confessional.

Q: What’s the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp?

A: One’s a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other’s a fish.

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