Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast, a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together.

“Oh, this is terrible,” exclaims St. Peter, “I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. St. Peter was fretting, “Since we weren’t expecting you, your quarters just aren’t ready. We can’t take you in just yet and we can’t send you back.”

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, “Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They’re ours, but we weren’t expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for ‘em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It’ll only be a couple of days. I’ll owe you one.”

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. BUT….. Two days later… “Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.”

NEW HOSPITAL POLICY

The allergists voted to scratch it.

The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

The microsurgeons were thinking along the same vein.

The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.

The parasitologists said, “well, if you encyst.”

The pathologists yelled, “over my dead body!”

The pediatricians said, “grow up.”

The proctologists said, “we are in arrears.”

The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The radiologists could see right through it.

The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The plastic surgeons said, “this puts a whole new face on the matter.”

The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The D.O.s thought they were being manipulated.

The urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.

The cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

And the otologists were deaf to the idea.

The new wing didn’t fly!

“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little.

The gentleman said ‘Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?’.

The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, ‘Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?’



© 2015 ijokedb.com