Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


On the Listening Tour, Hillary was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it. “Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.

‘Twas the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation,
We’d soon see the bug that,
Caused such a sensation.

The chips were replaced,
In computers with care,
In hopes that ol’ Bugsy,
Wouldn’t stop there.

While some folks could think,
They were snug in their beds,
Others had visions,
Of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac,
Had just logged on the Net,
And kicked back with a snack.

When over the server,
There arose such a clatter,
I called Mister Gates,
To see what was the matter.

But he was away,
So I flew like a flash,
Off to my bank,
To withdraw all my cash.

Then word of the shortage,
Caused such a demand,
That the money was gone,
And the streets were all jammed.

When what with my wandering eyes,
Should I see on my screen,
But Millennium Bugsy,
This must be a dream!

The Hack of all hackers,
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be,
The Y2K bug!

His image downloaded,
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
“Let all systems fall!”

“Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compac,
And Pentium too!”

“All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!”

All the controls,
That make the planes fly,
And the microwaves for,
The signals they rely.

All through the system,
To me, and to you,
The predictions they made,
Would soon all come true.

And then came a twinkling,
As midnight drew near,
All over the globe,
In each hemisphere.

As I drew in my breath,
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.

He was covered with fur,
With six legs outspread,
Two beady eyes,
And a chip on his head.

With a sack full of virus,
Flung on his back,
He looked like a hacker,
Just waiting to hack.

His eyes – how they twinkled!
His dimples – how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.

His droll little mouth was,
Drawn up in a sneer,
While he sat like a kid,
Waiting out the new year.

Two little antenna,
Stuck out of his head,
(Improved his reception,
from what I’ve heard said.)

He had a broad face,
and a round little belly,
But with six dirty socks,
His feet were quite smelly.

He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him,
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know,
A new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic,
Soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty glee,
“‘This has been fun,
I’ll see you next century!’”

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool.

He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?”

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody at any time, any where — your place or my place, it doesn’t matter one iota.”

The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No shit!?! What law firm do you work for?”

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need a whole department of them just to prepare the research grant.

Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.

The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.

The bartender then went over to the next pair who were “regular guys” with ordinary jobs, withaverage I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how hightaxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.

The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they’d ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, “Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d’you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?”



© 2015 ijokedb.com