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Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House?

A: There is White-out on the screen.

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at
the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a
replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to
be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced
his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the
best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking
his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to
the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man
was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but
the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by
the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach
cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse
himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing
through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon,
scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By
now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn’t remember which door led to the

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he
finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers
and ran in, he realised to his horror that he had stumbled into
Monica Lewinsky’s office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard
her president whisper in a barely audible voice, “sack my

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

The second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.

“Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

Q: What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?

A: Kneel to the Chief!

Nominated for quote of the year is the statement made by retiring Texas Republican Member of The House of Representatives, Dick Armey, who was asked: “If you had been in President Clinton’s place, would you have resigned?”

He responded: “If I were in the President’s place, I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, ‘How do I reload this damn thing?’”

© 2015