Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

- You ever heard the phrase, *May the force be with y*all.*

- Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

- At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

- You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

- The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

- Wookies are offended by your B.O.

- You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn*t have to wait for a commercial.

- You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

- Your father has ever said to you, *Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it*ll be a hoot.*

- You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

- You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

- You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

- You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

- Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

- You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

- You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

- You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

- If you hear… *Luke, I am your father…and your uncle*

@Star Wars

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

10. In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on “stun”.

9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp — The Millannium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a wookie.

8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh — After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

7. One word: Lightsaber

6. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance

5. The Death Star doesn’t care if a world is “M” class or not.

4. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters

3. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.

2. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named “Slave I”

1. Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power — Han Solo floors it.

@Star Wars

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
Free Yorkshire Terrior.
8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
———————————-
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel
1/2 Sneaky Neighbor’s Dog
———————————-
Free Puppies:
Part German Shepherd
Part Stupid Dog
———————————-
German Shepherd – 85lbs.
Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
———————————-
1 Man, 7 Women hot tub — $850/offer
———————————-
Amana Washer $100.
Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
———————————-
Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days.
———————————-
2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
———————————-
Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,
Comes with its own
1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto
Excellent Condition, $6,800.
———————————-
83 Toyota Hunchback — $2,000
———————————-
Star Wars Job of the Hut — $15
———————————-
Soft & Genital Bath Tissues
or Facial Tischue – $.89
———————————-
Full-Sized Mattress
20 Year Warranty
Like New! Slight urine smell.
———————————-
FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans
With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home
———————————-
Nordic Track $300
Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
———————————-
Bill’s Septic Cleaning
“We Haul American Made Products”
———————————-
Shakespeare’s Pizza – Free Chopsticks
———————————-
HUMMELS – Largest Selection Ever!
“If it’s in stock, we have it!”
———————————-
Get a Little John:
The Traveling Urinal
Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
———————————-
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
———————————-
Georgia Peaches
California Grown – $.89/lb.
———————————-
Nice Parachute
Never Opened – Used Once
Slightly Stained
———————————-
American Flag
60 Stars – Pole Included – $100
———————————-
Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
———————————-
Exercise Equipment
Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs – $175
———————————-
Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!
And it’s made of 100% Italian Leather.
———————————-
Joining Nudist Colony!
Must Sell Washer & Dryer – $300
———————————-
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
———————————-
Alzheimer’s Center Prepares
for an Affair to Remember
———————————-
Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell
———————————-
Open House!
Body Shapers Toning Salon
Free Coffee & Donuts
———————————-
Kellogg’s Pot Tarts – $1.99/box.
———————————-
Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2.09/lb.
———————————-
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes – Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

The Nuprin Penis: Little, Yellow, Different.

The Equal Penis: Tastes like Sugar.

The Raid Penis: Kills bugs dead.

The Excedrin Penis: It’s tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.

The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing. Taste is everything.

The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you.

The Alkaseltzer Penis: Pop, pop, fizz, fizz… Oh, what a relief it is…

The Magnavox Penis: Smart. Very Smart.

The Life Call Penis: It’s fallen and it can’t get up.

The American Express Penis: Don’t leave home without it.

The Tootsie Roll Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take…?

The Pringles Penis: Once you pop, you can’t stop.

The M&M Penis: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

The Frosted Flakes Penis: They’re GGGRRRRRREEEEAAAAATTT!

The Lucky Charms Penis: They’re magically delicious.

The Energizer Penis: It keeps going and going…

The Metra Penis: The way to REALLY fly.

The Right Guard Penis: Anything less is uncivilized.

The Jolly Green Giant Penis: Ho, ho, ho green giant.

The Cambells Soup Penis: Mmm mmm good.

The Kix Penis: Kid tested, mother approved.

The McDonald’s Penis: Over 8 billion served.

The Tombstone Penis: What would you like on your penis?

The Ragu Penis: Comes out chunkier than the rest.

The Chips Ahoy Penis: Betcha bite a chip.

The Cobain Penis: It blows itself away.

The Purdue Penis: More meat, less bone.

The All State Penis: You’re in good hands.

The 7-Up Penis: The UN-penis.

The Nike Penis: Just do it.

The Borden Penis: It’s GOT to be good.

The Barq’s Penis: The one with bite.

The Beef Penis: It’s what’s for dinner.

The Bud Lite Penis: Great taste, less filling.

The Subway Penis: Where fresh is the taste.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken Penis: Everybody needs a little.

The Life Penis: Mikey likes it.

The Transformers Penis: It’s more than meets the eye.

The Twizzler Penis: It makes mouths happy.

The Nintendo Penis: Now you’re playing with power.

The Sega Penis: PENIS!

The Robitussin Penis: Used by nine out of ten moms.

The Crest Penis: Recommended by 3 out of 4 dentists.

The Champion Penis: The official penis of the ’96 u.s.a. olympic team.

The Starburst Penis: The juice is loose.

The Toyota Penis: I love what you do for me.

The THX Penis: Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

The Citibank Visa Penis: It’s everywhere you want to be.

The Timex Penis: Takes a lickin and keeps on…

The Burger King Penis: Have it your way.

The Dairy Queen Penis: Hot eats, cool treats.

The Dairy Queen Penis 2: We treat you right.

The McDonald’s Penis 2: Have you had your break today?

The Army Penis: Be all that you can be.

The Uncle Sam Penis: We want you.

The Milk Penis: It does a body good.

The Milk Penis 2: Got penis?

The Flintstone’s Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growing.

The Wendy’s Penis: Where’s the beef?

The Wizard of Oz Penis: “We’re off to see the penis…”

The Captain Planet Penis: Go PENIS!!

The Folger’s Crystals Penis: It’s freeze dried to seal in the freshness.

The Folger’s Crystals Penis 2: The best part of waking up is a penis in your cup.

The Lays Penis: Betcha can’t eat just one.

The Mr. Clean Penis: Is it wet or is it dry?

The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the taste of it…

The Doublemint Penis: Chewing really satisfies.

The Juicyfruit Penis: The taste is gonna move ya.

The Big Red Penis: It’s longer with big red.

The Matthew Sweet Penis: 100% fun.

The Millikin Penis: Big blue.

The Robutussin Penis 2: Recommended by Dr. Mom…

The Neon Penis: Hi.

The Little Caesar’s Penis: Penis!! Penis!!

The Little Ceasar’s Penis 2: Pleaser! Pleaser!

The Generic Penis: One size fits all.

The Rave Music Penis: Ya’ll ready for this?

The Mortal Kombat Penis: Nothing can prepare you.

The Bounty Penis: The quicker picker-upper.

The Pizza Hut Penis: Makin’ it great.

The Pizza Hut Edge Penis: Taking penis to the edge.

The Bounce Penis: With Static-Guard!

The Domino’s Pizza Penis: Delivers in 30 min or less.

The Monty Python Penis: “Isn’t awfully nice to have a penis.”

The Monty Python Penis 2: “Every sperm is sacred…”

The Budweiser Penis: This bud’s for you.

The Siskel & Ebert Penis: 2 thumbs up…

The George of the Jungle Penis: Watch out for that… tree?

The Nyquil Penis: The nighttime coughing, sneezing, runny-nose, itching, burning, so you can’t rest penis.

The Rice Krispies Penis: What does your penis say to you?

The Extra Penis: Lasts an extra extra extra long time.

The Wonder Bubbles Penis: Magic wand inside!

The Wonder Bubbles Penis 2: For ages 3 and up.

The Phantom of the Opera penis: Music of the night.

The Webster’s Thesaurus Penis: How many words are there for penis?

The Charmin Penis: Don’t squeeze the penis!

The Sears Penis: Come see the brighter side.

The Jewel Penis: Take a new look at an old friend.

The C&C Music Factory Penis: Makes you go hmmmmm…

The Rick James Penis: It’s SUPERFREAKY.

The Gilette Penis: The best a man can get.

The Charmin Double Roll Penis: It lasts longer because it IS longer.

The Bacardi Penis: Taste the feeling.

The Macintosh Penis: Power is everything.

The Borg Penis: Resistance is futile.

The Edge Shaving Cream Penis: Ultimate closeness, ultimate comfort.

The Beatles Penis: Now a quarter smaller than it used to be.

The Oasis Penis: Thinks it’s the Beatles penis.

The Jell-O Penis: Look at it wiggle, look at it jiggle.

The Virginia Slims Penis: You’ve come a long way, baby.

The AT&T Penis: Reach out and touch someone.

The Highlander Penis: In the end, there can be only one.

The Micro Machines Penis: A whole world, in the palm of your hand.

The Ertl Penis: Just like the real thing, only smaller.

The Sanka Penis: Good to the last drop.

The Secret Penis: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

The Swiss Miss Penis: The taste you can enjoy anytime, anywhere!

The “Mine Is Better Syndrome Penis”: My penis is bigger than your penis.

The Payday Penis: Its almost totally nuts!

The Yellow Pages Penis: Let your fingers do the walkin’.

The Sony Play Station Penis: You are not ready.

The Heinz Penis: Good things come to those who wait.

The Hinz Penis: 2 and half inches of terror.

The Reese’s Penis: How do you eat your Reese’s?

The Beavis Penis: Look! It’s changing color!

The Life Savers Penis: Five fruity flavors.

The Star Wars Penis: Use the Force, Luke!

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers Penis: “They’re here already! You’re next… YOU’RE NEXT!”

The War of the Worlds penis: “The time came when the Martians looked upon our penis with envious eyes, and slowly but surely turned their plans against us.”

The Windows ’95 Penis: If you ask it to do too much, it’ll crash.

The Kenny Rodgers Penis: Very, very hairy.

The Rush Limbaugh Penis: Bald and fat.

The Millikin E-mail Penis: I should be doing work, but this is so fun!

The Janet Jackson Penis: What Have You Done For ME Lately?

The Milli-Penis: It doesn’t work most of the time.

The Health Services Penis: Ummm well we lost it.

The Health Services Penis II : It’s not here right now, but here’s some Sudafed

The Chevy Truck Penis: Like a rock!

The Mazda Penis: It just feels right.

The Ford Penis: Built Ford tough.

The Butterfinger Penis: No body better lay a finger on my penis.

The Eggo Penis: Leggo my penis.

The Skittles Penis: Taste the penis.

The Bic Lighter Penis: Go ahead, flick my penis.

The Absolut Penis: …no need for explanation.

The Inspector Gaget Penis: Go-Go Penis!!!

The Pick-N-Save Penis: When you’re picky about penis.

The Magitronic Penis: The power of value.

The Dominos Pizza Penis: Delivering over a million smiles a day.

The Met Life Penis: Get penis, it pays.

The Mr. Big Penis: When you’re this big, they call you mister.

The Pontiac Penis: Driving excitement.

The Yahoo! Penis: Do you Yahoo?

The Taco Bell Penis: Yo quiero penis.

The Olympics Penis: Citius, altus, fortius (swifter, higher, stronger).

Cornuts Penis: An intensely crunchy snack.

The Credit Card Penis: Slip in, slip out.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo momma so ugly her face was on fire and I had to use a snow shovel to put it out.
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast-feed her
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly see hung her head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma so ugly she didn’t get hit with an ugly log she got jumped by the ugly jungle.
Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo momma so ugly she had to tie a porch chops around her neck so that the dog would play with her.
Yo momma so ugly she had to trick or treat over the phone.
Yo momma so ugly she looked in a mirror her reflection died.
Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so ugly she makes a blind kid cries.
Yo momma so ugly she makes Freddy Cougar looks like Beyonce!
Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo momma so ugly she went to dogs show and won
Yo momma so ugly someone mistaken her face as her butt!
Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
Yo momma so ugly that when she lies on a beach cats bury her in the sand.
Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo momma so ugly the dumpster wouldn’t even let her in.
Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo momma so ugly they don’t even have to use guns in the army cause they can use yo mama’s picture!
Yo momma so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make monster cookies.
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”
Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off surveillance cameras
Yo momma so ugly when she was born her parents didn’t know where to put her in the house or under it.
Yo momma so ugly when she was born it took the whole cast of the x-files to figure out what she was!
Yo momma so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped the nurse to keep her from laughing.
Yo momma so ugly, even a politician wouldn’t kiss her.
Yo momma so ugly, if bricks were ugly, she could have her own projects.
Yo momma so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slap her mother.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com