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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

What’s the difference between Marv Albert and Sharon Stone?
Sharon Stone doesn’t wear panties.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

X-files virus:
All your Icons start shape shifting

Spice Girl virus:
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop

Ronald Reagan virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus:
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them

Sonny Bono virus:
Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where

Martha Stewart virus:
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop

AT&T virus:
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting

MCI virus:
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back

Ellen Degeneres virus:
Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC

Monica Lewinsky virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer

Titanic virus:
Makes your whole computer go down

Disney virus:
Everything in the computer goes Goofy

Mike Tyson virus:
Quits after one byte

Prozac virus:
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care

Sharon Stone virus:
Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there.

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Related:  Sex (+4816)      

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are
perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several
plain Janes walk by as the two converse.

Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and
saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and – barely audibly
- inquires, “Tickle your ass with a feather?”

The young beauty – startled by what she thinks she heard
- exclaims “What?!” Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats
“Typical nasty weather?” “Oh,” she demures, “yes,” and goes
on her way.

More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated.
“Tickle your ass with a feather?” “What?”
“Typical nasty weather?”

Finally, Romeo delivers his line,
“Tickle your ass with a feather?” and his prospect stops,
smiles and invites him up to her room.

Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention,
decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likely
prospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out,
“Cram a feather up your ass?”

Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to which
he replies, “Looks like rain!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

What’s the difference between Marv Albert and Sharon Stone?
Sharon Stone doesn’t wear panties.

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Related:  Miscellaneous (+55)      

Alien Barbie – don’t tell ANYONE…
Amazon Barbie – in a leopard skin outfit
‘Arnold’ Ken – big and buff, no neck
Avalanche Barbie – buried in 16 feet of snow
Baler Barbie – wrapped in twine; also known as Farm Accident Barbie
Banjo Barbie – complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs cassette
Banzai Barbie – a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie
Barbie Brain in a Jar – an empty jar
Barbie of Borg – you will buy one. Resistance is futile!
Barbie-Got-Run-Over-by-a-Reindeer – an excellent Holiday gift idea
Barney Barbie – bloated, plush, and purple; pull the string and she spouts inane drivel
Battering Ram Barbie – Barbie’s head on the end of a battering ram
Bearded Barbie – complete with tweezers
Bigfoot Barbie – sold mostly in the Northwest
Biker Barbie – complete with leathers and tattoos
Bladder Control Barbie – comes with a free box of Depends undergarments
Blockhead Barbie – doll with Charlie Brown’s head
Body-Piercing Barbie – comes with mini-piercing gun and mini-body ornaments
Bow-Legged Barbie – high Stepper not included
Broken Bungee Barbie – Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement
Bugs Barbie – buckteeth, long ears
Cadaver Barbie – removable internal organs
Cartoon-style ‘Hit-in-the-Head-with-a-Falling-Anvil’ Barbie
Chain Smoker Barbie – with Surgeon General’s warning on box
Chernobyl Barbie – glows in the dark
Circus Clown Barbie – complete with scary face paint and scary wig
Crash Test Barbie – comes with car and brick wall
Cross-Dressing Ken, er, Barbie, er, Ken – who knows!
Cut-the-Lady-in-Half-Magic-Trick-that-Went-Wrong Barbie
Cyberpunk Barbie – includes ‘trodes and implants
Cyclops Barbie – one eye, right in the middle of her forehead; Cyclops Ken sold separately
Darth Vader Barbie – with plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones
Death Row Barbie – comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately
Diarrhea Barbie – always on the run; complete with mini-bottle of Pepto!
Dirty Harry Barbie – comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says, “Go ahead *giggle* Make my day!”
Disco Barbie – dressed in chiffon; includes disco ball
Divorce Barbie – includes the house, the car, and half of Ken’s belongings
Drag Queen Ken – comes with three, count ‘em, three of Barbie’s dresses
East German Swim Team Barbie – a Barbie head on a Ken doll
Easter Island Barbie – the famous statue with blonde hair
Ebola Barbie – twelve hours after opening she’ll be reduced to nothing
Edible Barbie – also known as Choc-O-Barbie
Elmer Fudd Ken – bald with hunting hat and rifle
Elvira Barbie – with skimpy black gown and long, black hair
Eye Patch Barbie – with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!
Fast Food Barbie – also known as McBarbie…you want fries with that?
Fat Barbie – in the following three varieties: Big Butt Barbie, Love Handles Barbie, More Chins than a Chinese Phone Book Barbie
FemmiNazi Barbie – pull the string and find out why men stink
Flying Hero Barbie – yes, I know they made this one, but it’s at least as ludicrous as anything we came up with!
Forrest Gump Ken – pull his string and he complains for two and a half boring hours
FrankenBarbie – comes with bolts through her neck
Frozen Barbie on a Stick – in your grocer’s frozen food section
Funeral Home Barbie – complete with hearse, coffin and kicky little shroud
Gangsta Barbie – complete set of Raiders apparel; rap cassette included
Godzilla Barbie – six foot tall lizard with Barbie head
Green Giant Barbie – Green Giant with Barbie’s head–or vice versa
Grunge Barbie – with flannel shirt and a goatee
Headgear Barbie – guaranteed to make kids with braces feel better!
Hippie Barbie – complete with simulated controlled substances and paraphernalia
Hiroshima Barbie – just a shadow of her former self
Hockey Barbie – comes with hockey stick and missing teeth
Homeless Barbie – complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart
House Wife Barbie – dressed in ratty, old housecoat; comes with dirty laundry and sink full of dishes
Human Cannonball Barbie – complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 15-20 feet
Hunchback Barbie – pull the string and she cries, “Sanctuary! Sanctuary!”
Jabba the Barbie – Jabba with a Barbie head
Joan of Arc Barbie – comes with stake, kindling, and matches
Jock Barbie – looks like Dennis Rodman
Joker Barbie – Barbie with Joker grin and white face
Junkie Barbie – complete with needle tracks
King Kong Barbie – six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae
Kleptomaniac Barbie – doll with suction cup hands
Lance Ito Ken – with beard, robe, and entirely too much advertising
LAPD Barbie – comes with two nightsticks, in case one gets broken subduing a suspect. Taser also available.
Las Vegas Showgirl Barbie – complete with pasties
Lion Tamer Barbie – lion is included; Barbie’s head is not
Living Dead Barbie – use your imagination
Lumberjack Barbie – sleeps all night, works all day
Mafia Ken – with a violin case…you got a problem with that?
Mafia Victim Barbie – feet set in cement–she really sinks!
Manic-Depressive Barbie – with a set of Oriental throwing knives
Marie Antionette Barbie – with removable head; guillotine included
Marsha Clark Barbie – with a bad haircut and a bad attitude
Medusa Barbie – Barbie with snakes for hair
Mick Jagger Barbie – Mick with Barbie’s head…but Mick’s lips
Microsoft Barbie – Barbie doll with Bill Gates’ head
Militant Femminist Barbie – with an assault rifle
Mortal Kombat Barbie – includes more blood than you can even imagine
Mutant Barbie – Professor Xavier’s daughter: bald as a billiard ball, wearing a Dark Phoenix costume
Nancy Kerrigan Barbie – her knees bend backwards
Napoleon Ken – stands 2″ tall
Neon Deion Barbie – it costs $35 million, and you just know some idiot’s going to buy it…
NRA Barbie – comes with assault rifle and picture of Charlton Heston
One-Eyed-Head-on-a-Spider-Made-from-an-Erector-Set-Barbie – just what it sounds like
Opera Barbie – complete with the horns and the brass brassiere
Oscar Meyer Barbie – Barbie on a bun
Picasso Barbie – everything’s in the wrong place
Politically Incorrect Barbie – pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs
Potato(e) Head Barbie – also just what it sounds like
Power Ranger Barbie – with karate-chop action; complete with the ridiculous outfit
Princess Leia Barbie – Barbie with the hairdo from Star Wars
Rasta Barbie – she’s got a tie-dyed t-shirt, dreadlocks and reggae CD; rolling papers sold separately
Rastafarian Barbie – she has dreadlocks and ganja, mon!
Realistic Teenage Barbie – complete with flat chest, braces and acne; pull her string and hear an outpouring of sassy, bratty phrases
Roadkill Barbie – unrecognizable
Rock Climbing Barbie – with climbing gear
Rush Limbarbie – big, no neck, but not buff
Safari Barbie – with rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide
Saloon Barbie – dressed like Old West Saloon girl
Samuel L. Jackson Ken – he’ll get medieval on you
Shark Attack Barbie – oh, must we describe everything for you?
Sharon Stone Barbie – is there a difference?
Shish-Ka-Barbie – here’s one we’d all like to see!
Shock Therapy Barbie – car battery and wires included
Siamese Twins Barbie – complete with surgical instruments
Spear-through-the-Head-Barbie – no description necessary
Spock Ken – with pointy ears; one eyebrow raised
Stampede Barbie – we’re not talking about the rodeo in Calgary here…
Steamroller Barbie – doll squashed flat
Steroid Barbie – the rest of her physique is as exaggerated as her bust is on the normal doll!
Stuntman Ken – comes with lots of Band-Aids
Sumo Barbie – comes with thong
T2 Barbie – a study in silver
Tail Hook Barbie – naval uniform with a VERY short skirt
Tammy Fae Barbie – with WAY too much makeup
Tasmanian Barbie – spins like a top!
Tattoo Barbie – with tattoos you can apply!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie – one of the Turtles with Barbie head
Teenage Pregnancy Barbie – complete with dropout forms. Angry parents and deadbeat boyfriend sold separately
Texas Necktie Barbie – with gallows
Tonya Harding Barbie – you didn’t think we’d sell one without the other, did you?
Tool Time Barbie – includes tool belt, which she has no idea what to do with
Trailer Park Barbie – for the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like
Trailer Trash Barbie – complete with doublewide trailer home
Tree Hugger Barbie – pull the string and she spouts environmentalist rhetoric
Two-Face Barbie – Barbie with Tommy Lee Jones’ makeup from Batman Forever
Venus de Milo Barbie – made of rock; no head, no arms
Werewolf Barbie – normal doll, except under a full moon
Whoopie Cushion Barbie – do you really need a description?
Witch Doctor Barbie – with potions and face paints
Wookie Barbie – obnoxious blonde hair everywhere

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