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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner.”

“What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.”

Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night
I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more
beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house
flew an enormous banner.”

“What could you see on the banners?” Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, “I don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew.”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the
son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank
faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”
“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the
people, shall not perish from the earth’”?
Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said
Martinez.
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.
Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than
you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you
say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on
the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!”
Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32425)      

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:” Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam Hussein is wondering why the United Nations won’t approve a “no-open-fly zone” around the Oval Office.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

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