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Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:” Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam Hussein is wondering why the United Nations won’t approve a “no-open-fly zone” around the Oval Office.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.

Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn
public support away from the president, congress today
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated
documents and videotapes on Monday.

Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this
morning. “We feel that with the release of all the documents
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections.

On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President
Clinton’s in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler,
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, ‘Meat
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!’ We will also
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a
litter of small kittens.”

A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a
slight rise in the president’s approval rating.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:” Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!”

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