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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:” Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!”

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Why doesn’t Saddam Hussein get hemorrhoids?
Because he’s a perfect asshole.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein says he will back down from a confrontation over UN weapons inspections in exchange for Monica Lewinsky.

“From what I’m hearing coming out of the White House, she is nutty and slutty which is just the way I like my mistresses. My SCUD missile is waiting for her,” Hussein said from his bunker in Baghdad.

National Security advisors to the president were intrigued by the offer. “Monica’s case is definitely distracting the president from properly focusing on the situation with Iraq and this may be a way to kill to two loony birds with one stone. Besides our intelligence reports indicate that Saddam’s need for sex makes Clinton look like a monk,” one of the advisors said.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner.”

“What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.”

Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night
I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more
beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house
flew an enormous banner.”

“What could you see on the banners?” Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, “I don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Why did the chicken cross the road?:
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don’t know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

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