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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner.”

“What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.”

Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night
I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more
beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house
flew an enormous banner.”

“What could you see on the banners?” Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, “I don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew.”

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn
public support away from the president, congress today
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated
documents and videotapes on Monday.

Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this
morning. “We feel that with the release of all the documents
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections.

On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President
Clinton’s in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler,
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, ‘Meat
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!’ We will also
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a
litter of small kittens.”

A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a
slight rise in the president’s approval rating.

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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Snow White, Arnold Swcharzenegger and Saddam Hussein are having a conversation, Snow White say`s “I am the most beautiful divine woman in the world, but how do I know?” Arnie says “I am hunkiest man in the world but how do I know?”, Saddam says `I`m the most despised person in the world but how do I know?”.
“I know” says Snow White “let`s ask the Wise Man”.
So off they go…
Snow White comes out of the wise mans house and says “Yes it`s true, I am the most beautiful divine woman in the world”, Arnie comes out and says “Yes it`s true I am hunkiest man in the world”, Saddam comes out and says “Who`s David Beckham?”

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Related:  Ethnic (+694)      

Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello”. The voice at the end of the phone says “Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.” SH smiles to himself, “Come on Paddy”, he says, “there’s no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn’t stand a chance.” Paddy replies, “No, no, we’ve had ourselves a meeting, and we’ve decided to declare war on you.”

So SH says, “OK Paddy, now listen, I’ve got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It’d be over in no time.” So Paddy says, “Well my lad’s got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport.” Hussein laughs, “Oh come on, you’ve not got a hope”. “Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, “, Paddy says, “we’ll just have a quick meeting.” So off he goes and has a quick meeting. “Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we’ve had our meeting, and we’ve decided that we’re still going to declare war.”

So SH says, “Right then Paddy, well you know, as well as the air force, we’ve also got about a thousand tanks. How are you going to match that.” “Well,” Paddy says, “I’ve got an old austin, and my cousin down the road has got a tractor.” “Get real, ” says SH, “that’s no match at all.” So

Paddy says, “Hold on, I’ll just go and have another meeting.” “Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we’ve had our meeting, and we’ve decided that we’re still going to declare war.”

SH thinks this is just amazing, “Well how many soldiers have you got Paddy?”. “Well,” says Paddy, “there’s me, my kid, me 4 cousins, and they all had sons, and there’s Bill down the road…. I reckon I could get together about 30.” Laughing openly now SH replies, “Come on Paddy, I’ve got 10,000 highly trained fighting men at my disposal. I think you’d better go and have another meeting.” “I will”, says Paddy, “I will.”

“Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we’ve had our meeting, and we’ve decided that we’re not going to declare war on you after all.” “At last, ” replies SH, “What made you change your mind?” “Well, it’s those 10 thousand soldiers you see. We can’t declare war on you because we’ve not got the facilities to keep all those prisoners!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued,
with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General,
stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing
complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become
furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered
him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and
then reported on the problem to him.
He said:” Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.
The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!”

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