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Famous interpretations of “Why did the Chicken cross the road?”

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please…

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we’ll find out.

Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what “they” call it: the “other side”. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan:
What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you’re telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it’s true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32385)      

Lorena Bobbit virus:
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy

Tim Allen virus:
Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact

Woody Allen virus:
Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card

Saddam Hussein virus:
Won’t let you into any of your programs

Tonya Harding virus:
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons

George Michael virus:
Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup

Joey Buttafuoco virus:
Only attacks minor files. Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn
public support away from the president, congress today
announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated
documents and videotapes on Monday.

Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this
morning. “We feel that with the release of all the documents
from the Starr Inquisition, and the public still supporting the
president, we need to take further steps in our neverending goal
of overturning the 1992 and 1996 elections.

On Monday morning, we will release a diary of President
Clinton’s in which he claims to have had dinner with Adolf Hitler,
Ayatolla Khomeni and Saddam Hussein, and later slept with
them in the Lincoln Bedroom. He also claims in the diary, ‘Meat
is murder, I am a communist, Die Capitalist Die!’ We will also
release a doctored videotape showing the president strangling a
litter of small kittens.”

A CNN/Newsweek poll following the press conference showed a
slight rise in the president’s approval rating.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking.

After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.

A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well.

“I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge.

They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers.

A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter.

When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park

I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants

I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face…oh yes he did

I never did it in a bed
If you think that, you’ve been misled
I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone

I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp

I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her ’round, but could not catch her

No kinky stuff, not on your life
I wouldn’t, even with my wife
And Gennifer Flowers’ tale of woes
Was paid for by my right-wing foes

And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers
Are just a bunch of party poopers

I did not ask my friends to lie
I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November
But if I did, I don’t remember

I did not do it in the hall
I could have, but I don’t recall
I never did it in my study
I never did it with my dog, Buddy

I never did it to Sox, the cat
I might have once…with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry
I never groped Ms. Betty Currie

There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel
And then endeavored to conceal

But never did these things so lewd
At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed
They do not count, if we stayed dressed

It never happened with cigar
I never dated Mrs. Starr
I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN

I broke some rules my Mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you’ve caught me

But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
But never, never did inhale.

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