Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Saddam Hussein called President Bush and said, “George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole country, and on each house I saw a banner.”
“What did it say on the banners?” Mr. Bush asked.
Saddam replied, “LONG LIVE SADDAM HUSSEIN.”
Mr. Bush responded, “You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.”
“What did the banners say?” Saddam asked.
“I don’t know,” replied Mr. Bush, “I can’t read Hebrew.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Kids (+2428)      

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”
“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’”?
Again, no response except from Martinez: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Martinez.
The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Martinez put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”
At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again, Martinez says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!”
Martinez said, “Saddam Hussein 2003.”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Medical (+1837)      

Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, HE locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I DON’T know! I mean, give me a break. He’s been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.

Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4
A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his “problem.” It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, “This time, I’d rather not have your mother join us.” (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.)

Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended). Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!

Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.

Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn’t working. What am I going to do?

Day 11
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet, and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.

Day 12
I’m basically being drilled to death. It’s like going out with Black and Decker.

Day 13
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying “fabulous” and still he keeps coming after me!

Day 14
Now I know how Saddam Hussein’s wife feels. Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to bed with a scud missile. Let’s hope he’s like President Bush and pulls out in 100 days.

Day 15
I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs his motor.

Day 16
I may just have to kill him. Then he’ll go out the way he wants to: stiff. With my luck, I won’t be able to close the casket.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Snow White, Arnold Swcharzenegger and Saddam Hussein are having a conversation, Snow White say`s “I am the most beautiful divine woman in the world, but how do I know?” Arnie says “I am hunkiest man in the world but how do I know?”, Saddam says `I`m the most despised person in the world but how do I know?”.
“I know” says Snow White “let`s ask the Wise Man”.
So off they go….
Snow White comes out of the wise mans house and says “Yes it`s true, I am the most beautiful divine woman in the world”, Arnie comes out and says “Yes it`s true I am hunkiest man in the world”, Saddam comes out and says “Who`s David Beckham?”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Military (+607)      

Q: What does Saddam Hussein have in common with Fred Flinstone?

A: They both can look out of their window and see rubble!

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com