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The Boston Globe reported today that Monica Lewinsky, depressed after the media comments about her figure, and wanting a new image, reported to a plastic surgeon for removal of her love handles. She emerged two days later with no ears.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

ABSOLUTION

While the Pope was in the States he decided to grant absolution to three sinners.

The first person to come up was Hugh Grant. The Pope asked, “What is your sin?”

“I cheated on my girlfriend and got caught.”

The Pope replied, “Kneel down. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

Next in line was Bill Clinton. “What was your sin, son?”

“I cheated on my wife.” The Philanderer in Chief replied.

“Kneel down, my son. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

A third person came up and the Pope asked, “What is your name?”

“Monica Lewinsky.”

The Pope stroked his chin. “Hmmmm. Perhaps you should remain standing . . . “

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

What did Bill Clinton say after he was asked if Paula Jones was better than Monica Lewinsky?
Close but no cigar!

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Related:  Politics (+3831), Q & A (+15909)      

Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?

A: He couldn’t give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

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When I wake up in the morning
Don’t want no coffee or tea
Just give me a few minutes
With Monica Lewinskyyyy…

Cuz’ I’m the President, baby
And I break all the rules
I got the United States caught
In the sex scandal blues.

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