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Related:  Sex (+4816)      

* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”
* “Ahh, it’s cute.”
* “I’m sorry.”
* “Who circumcised you?”
* “Why don’t we just cuddle?”
* “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
* “It’s more fun to look at.”
* “Make it dance.”
* “You know… there’s a tower in Italy like that.”
* “Wow, and your feet are so big.”
* “My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.”
* “It’s OK, we’ll work around it.”
* “Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?”
* “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
* (giggle and point)
* “Can I be honest with you?”
* “My 8-year-old brother has one like that.”
* “Let me go get my tweezers.”
* “How sweet, you brought incense.”
* “This explains your car.”
* “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
* “Thanks, I needed a toothpick.”
* “Are you one of those pygmies?”
* “Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?”
* “All right, a treasure hunt!”
* “I didn’t know they came that small.”
* “Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?”
* “At least this won’t take long.”
* “Let’s just stick with your hand.”
* “Do you need a splint to prop that up.”
* “How interesting…”
* “I never saw one like that before.”
* “But it still works right?”
* “Do you take steroids?”
* “I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.”
* “Maybe it looks better in natural light.”
* “I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.”
* “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
* “Let me know when you’re done.”
* “Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.”
* “Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?”
* “Aww, it’s hiding.”
* “Are you cold?”
* “Is that an optical illusion?”
* “What is that?”
* “Does this run in your family?”
* “I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.”
* “Were you neutered?”
* “It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.”
* “Does it come with an air pump?”
* “So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.”
* “Where are the puppet strings?”
* “Deep throat? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!”
* “Your big gun is more like a BB gun.”
* “Can you get this pencil out of me now?”
* “Do I hang my hat on it?”
* “Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!”
* “Don’t hold back.”
* “Nevermind, why bother?”

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

* “Am I dreaming?”
* “Can I keep you?”
* Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, “Thank you God”
* And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, “I DO!”

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Related:  Sex (+4816)      

* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”
* “Ahh, it’s cute.”
* “I’m sorry.”
* “Who circumcised you?”
* “Why don’t we just cuddle?”
* “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
* “It’s more fun to look at.”
* “Make it dance.”
* “You know… there’s a tower in Italy like that.”
* “Wow, and your feet are so big.”
* “My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.”
* “It’s OK, we’ll work around it.”
* “Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?”
* “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
* (giggle and point)
* “Can I be honest with you?”
* “My 8-year-old brother has one like that.”
* “Let me go get my tweezers.”
* “How sweet, you brought incense.”
* “This explains your car.”
* “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
* “Thanks, I needed a toothpick.”
* “Are you one of those pygmies?”
* “Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?”
* “All right, a treasure hunt!”
* “I didn’t know they came that small.”
* “Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?”
* “At least this won’t take long.”
* “Let’s just stick with your hand.”
* “Do you need a splint to prop that up.”
* “How interesting…”
* “I never saw one like that before.”
* “But it still works right?”
* “Do you take steroids?”
* “I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.”
* “Maybe it looks better in natural light.”
* “I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.”
* “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
* “Let me know when you’re done.”
* “Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.”
* “Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?”
* “Aww, it’s hiding.”
* “Are you cold?”
* “Is that an optical illusion?”
* “What is that?”
* “Does this run in your family?”
* “I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.”
* “Were you neutered?”
* “It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.”
* “Does it come with an air pump?”
* “So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.”
* “Where are the puppet strings?”
* “Deep throat? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!”
* “Your big gun is more like a BB gun.”
* “Can you get this pencil out of me now?”
* “Do I hang my hat on it?”
* “Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!”
* “Don’t hold back.”
* “Nevermind, why bother?”

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

* “Am I dreaming?”
* “Can I keep you?”
* Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, “Thank you God”
* And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, “I DO!”

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Related:  Family (+438)      

Here’s a list of camps you may NOT want to send your kids to:

Tommy Lee’s Camp Kickachick

Monica Lewinsky’s Camp Suckaweewee

President Clinton’s Camp Getahoochie

Ellen DeGeneres’s Camp Lickacoochie

Kenneth Star’s Camp Catchacrook

O.J. Simpson’s Camp Killachick

Lorena Bobbit’s Camp Cutaweewee

Tonya Harding’s Camp Clubaknee

Susan Smith’s Camp Blameabrotha

Pamela Lee’s Camp Lottatatas

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5690)      

1. Insert bulb and use as flashlight.

2. Fill with ink and use as bingo dabber.

3. Fill with Frosting and squeeze to decorate cake.

4. Use it as a decoration to hang from your rearview mirror.

5. Hang a dried out one inside an upside-down clay pot for an interesting bell. Gives new meaning to the phrase “ding dong.”

6. Nail it to the wall and use it for a coat rack.

7. In a pinch, poke extra holes in the end and replace shower nozzle.

8. Conversation piece on the coffee table (“Oh, that’s just Ronald when he was in his prime…”).

9. Redneck girl’s toothpick holder.

10. Dip it in candied apple glaze and make an all day sucker out of it.

11. Fill with Vicks and use as a nose inhaler.

12. Fill it up with plaster of Paris and use it as a microphone while singing the Lorena Bobbitt song.

13. Stick a Mickey mouse head on the tip, slit the dick horizontally, insert a spring in the bottom, and use as a Pez dispenser.

14. Soak in it Starch, let it dry, and use it as a dildo.

15. To induce vomiting.

16. Use it as a nozzle to provide a steady stream on your garden hose.

17. Nail it to the wall and hang your coffee mug on it.

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Related:  Sex (+4816)      

Just after Lorena Bobbitt brutally cut off her husbands penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away again.

Meanwhile 2 Canadians driving down the same highway happened to cross right by Lorenna just as she tossed it out the window and the penis hit their windshield smack dab in the middle.

Stunned but still quiet the 2 Canadians drove on. About 3 miles down the road the one Canadian turned to the other and said, “Man, did you see the size of the dick on that mosquito?”

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