Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Technology (+1816)      

Ellen Degeneres Virus — Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.

Monica Lewinsky Virus — Sucks all the money out of your computer.

Disney Virus — Everything in the computer suddenly goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson Virus — Quits after one byte.

Sharon Stone Virus — Huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there.

Prozac Virus — Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.

Lorena Bobbit Virus — Turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Tim Allen Virus — Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

Woody Allen Virus — Bypasses the motherboard and turns on your daughter card.

Saddam Hussein Virus — Won’t let you into any of your programs.

Tonya Harding Virus — Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.

George Michaels Virus — Runs it’s course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.

Joey Buttafuco Virus — Only attacks minor files.

X-files Virus — All your icons start shape shifting.

Spice Girls Virus — Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Ronald Regan Virus — Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus — Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Sonny Bono Virus — Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere.

Martha Stewart Virus — Takes all your files, sorts them by category, and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.

Opra Winfrey Virus — Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

AT&T Virus — Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus — Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus — Terminates and stays resident. It will be back….

Found by the Tamster in Daily Humor.

Bobbit Virus — Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.

Politically Correct Virus — Never calls itself a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”

Right To Life Virus — Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot Virus — Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

Ted Turner Virus — Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Dan Quayle Virus — Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining a binary network.

Government Economist Virus — Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order Virus — Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus — Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Gallup Virus — Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)

Texas Virus — Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Adam And Eve Virus — Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional Virus — The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline Virus — You’re in Dallas, but your data ends up in Singapore.

Freudian Virus — Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.

PBS Virus — Your programs stop every few minutes asking for more money.

Elvis Virus — Makes your computer get fat and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across America.

Ollie North Virus — Causes your printer to suddenly become a paper shredder.

Found by the Tamster in NetDummy.

Sears Virus — Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus — Your programs can never be found again.

Congressional Virus #2 — Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn’t allow the user to accomplish anything.

Kevorkian Virus — Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

Imelda Marcos Virus — Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

Star Trek Virus — Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Some more found by the Tamster in NetDummy.

Mario Cuomo Virus — It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus 2 — Terminates your session and then disappears. It’ll be back.

Dan Quayle Virus 2 — Thers sumthin rong wit yur komputer, butt ewe jsut cant figyour it out!

Sent in by Anita.

The Clinton Virus — Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Bob Dole (aka: Viagra) Virus — Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus 2 — Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did.

The Jack Kervorkian Virus 2 — Deletes all old files.

The Ellen Degeneras Virus 2 — Disks can no longer be inserted.

The following were sent in by KiM.

The Survivor Virus — Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.

The Jennifer Lopez Virus — Adjusts screen so that you see a lot of words, but not the ones you *really* want to see.

The Microsoft Virus — Renders your computer virtually useless. Also known by the name “Windows 98.”

The Al Gore Virus — Claims that it *IS* the internet.

The Tiger Woods Virus — Beats the holy crap out of you in every computer game you play.

The Wonderbra Virus — Results in overflow stack.

The Britney Spears Virus — Your partitions mysteriously quadruple in size overnight.

The Firestone Virus — Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.

The Kurt Cobain Virus — Deletes itself before it has a chance to do anything important.

The George W. Virus — Causes your CPU to keep executing and executing and executing …

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Sex (+4813)      

* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”
* “Ahh, it’s cute.”
* “I’m sorry.”
* “Who circumcised you?”
* “Why don’t we just cuddle?”
* “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
* “It’s more fun to look at.”
* “Make it dance.”
* “You know… there’s a tower in Italy like that.”
* “Wow, and your feet are so big.”
* “My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.”
* “It’s OK, we’ll work around it.”
* “Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?”
* “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
* (giggle and point)
* “Can I be honest with you?”
* “My 8-year-old brother has one like that.”
* “Let me go get my tweezers.”
* “How sweet, you brought incense.”
* “This explains your car.”
* “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
* “Thanks, I needed a toothpick.”
* “Are you one of those pygmies?”
* “Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?”
* “All right, a treasure hunt!”
* “I didn’t know they came that small.”
* “Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?”
* “At least this won’t take long.”
* “Let’s just stick with your hand.”
* “Do you need a splint to prop that up.”
* “How interesting…”
* “I never saw one like that before.”
* “But it still works right?”
* “Do you take steroids?”
* “I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.”
* “Maybe it looks better in natural light.”
* “I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.”
* “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
* “Let me know when you’re done.”
* “Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.”
* “Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?”
* “Aww, it’s hiding.”
* “Are you cold?”
* “Is that an optical illusion?”
* “What is that?”
* “Does this run in your family?”
* “I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.”
* “Were you neutered?”
* “It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.”
* “Does it come with an air pump?”
* “So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.”
* “Where are the puppet strings?”
* “Deep throat? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!”
* “Your big gun is more like a BB gun.”
* “Can you get this pencil out of me now?”
* “Do I hang my hat on it?”
* “Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!”
* “Don’t hold back.”
* “Nevermind, why bother?”

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

* “Am I dreaming?”
* “Can I keep you?”
* Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, “Thank you God”
* And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, “I DO!”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Q: What’s the difference between Bob Barker and Lorena Bobbit?

A: One is a slick pricer and the other is a prick slicer.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Sex (+4813)      

* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”
* “Ahh, it’s cute.”
* “I’m sorry.”
* “Who circumcised you?”
* “Why don’t we just cuddle?”
* “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
* “It’s more fun to look at.”
* “Make it dance.”
* “You know… there’s a tower in Italy like that.”
* “Wow, and your feet are so big.”
* “My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.”
* “It’s OK, we’ll work around it.”
* “Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?”
* “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
* (giggle and point)
* “Can I be honest with you?”
* “My 8-year-old brother has one like that.”
* “Let me go get my tweezers.”
* “How sweet, you brought incense.”
* “This explains your car.”
* “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
* “Thanks, I needed a toothpick.”
* “Are you one of those pygmies?”
* “Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?”
* “All right, a treasure hunt!”
* “I didn’t know they came that small.”
* “Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?”
* “At least this won’t take long.”
* “Let’s just stick with your hand.”
* “Do you need a splint to prop that up.”
* “How interesting…”
* “I never saw one like that before.”
* “But it still works right?”
* “Do you take steroids?”
* “I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.”
* “Maybe it looks better in natural light.”
* “I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.”
* “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
* “Let me know when you’re done.”
* “Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.”
* “Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?”
* “Aww, it’s hiding.”
* “Are you cold?”
* “Is that an optical illusion?”
* “What is that?”
* “Does this run in your family?”
* “I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.”
* “Were you neutered?”
* “It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.”
* “Does it come with an air pump?”
* “So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.”
* “Where are the puppet strings?”
* “Deep throat? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!”
* “Your big gun is more like a BB gun.”
* “Can you get this pencil out of me now?”
* “Do I hang my hat on it?”
* “Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!”
* “Don’t hold back.”
* “Nevermind, why bother?”

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

* “Am I dreaming?”
* “Can I keep you?”
* Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, “Thank you God”
* And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, “I DO!”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Sex (+4813)      

* “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”
* “Ahh, it’s cute.”
* “I’m sorry.”
* “Who circumcised you?”
* “Why don’t we just cuddle?”
* “You know they have surgery to fix that.”
* “It’s more fun to look at.”
* “Make it dance.”
* “You know… there’s a tower in Italy like that.”
* “Wow, and your feet are so big.”
* “My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.”
* “It’s OK, we’ll work around it.”
* “Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?”
* “Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.”
* (giggle and point)
* “Can I be honest with you?”
* “My 8-year-old brother has one like that.”
* “Let me go get my tweezers.”
* “How sweet, you brought incense.”
* “This explains your car.”
* “Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
* “Thanks, I needed a toothpick.”
* “Are you one of those pygmies?”
* “Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?”
* “All right, a treasure hunt!”
* “I didn’t know they came that small.”
* “Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?”
* “At least this won’t take long.”
* “Let’s just stick with your hand.”
* “Do you need a splint to prop that up.”
* “How interesting…”
* “I never saw one like that before.”
* “But it still works right?”
* “Do you take steroids?”
* “I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.”
* “Maybe it looks better in natural light.”
* “I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.”
* “Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
* “Let me know when you’re done.”
* “Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.”
* “Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?”
* “Aww, it’s hiding.”
* “Are you cold?”
* “Is that an optical illusion?”
* “What is that?”
* “Does this run in your family?”
* “I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.”
* “Were you neutered?”
* “It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.”
* “Does it come with an air pump?”
* “So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.”
* “Where are the puppet strings?”
* “Deep throat? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!”
* “Your big gun is more like a BB gun.”
* “Can you get this pencil out of me now?”
* “Do I hang my hat on it?”
* “Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!”
* “Don’t hold back.”
* “Nevermind, why bother?”

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

* “Am I dreaming?”
* “Can I keep you?”
* Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, “Thank you God”
* And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, “I DO!”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com