Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Politics (+3829)      

THE MONICA SONG
(To the tune of Adam Sandler’s “The Hanukah Song)

Get ready for funica,
Here comes Monica
She’s so easyica
Her name is Monica.

Monica is the slut of all sluts,
If you give her a quarter you can grab her butt.

So when you feel like the only one in town,
With a lot of time to burn
Here’s a song to recognize,
All you White House Interns!

Come into the office,
This job is a borea
Let me unzip my fly
Then you can suck me till I’m sorea.

Don’t worry Miss Monica, no one will know.
‘Cause Hillary and Chelsea are in the Poconos.

Bill and Paula Jones and Miss Lewinsky,
Put them together what a fine little orgy!

You don’t need Linda Tripp or Kenneth Starr,
‘Cause we can have sex with one of my cigars!
It’s a Cuban!

Get ready for funica,
Here comes Monica,
I need a blowjobica,
So get to it Monica!

Miss Lewinsky, what a slut.
But man oh man, what a butt!
It’s a beauty!

I don’t care if you’re a little chubby,
Compared to Hillary,
Not to shabby!

Some people think that I’m an old geezer.
Well, I am
but look at how I please her.

So many women are in my life,
About a hundred or so none are my wife!

Tell your friend Veronica,
It’s time for Monica,
I hope I don’t cumica,
On your big blue dressica!
So drink your gin and tonica,
And smoke your marijuanica,(but don’t inhale)
If you really really wannica
Keep on sucking, sucking, sucking, sucking Monica!
Suck it Monica!

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Politics (+3829)      

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park

I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants

I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face…oh yes he did

I never did it in a bed
If you think that, you’ve been misled
I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone

I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp

I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her ’round, but could not catch her

No kinky stuff, not on your life
I wouldn’t, even with my wife
And Gennifer Flowers’ tale of woes
Was paid for by my right-wing foes

And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers
Are just a bunch of party poopers

I did not ask my friends to lie
I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November
But if I did, I don’t remember

I did not do it in the hall
I could have, but I don’t recall
I never did it in my study
I never did it with my dog, Buddy

I never did it to Sox, the cat
I might have once…with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry
I never groped Ms. Betty Currie

There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel
And then endeavored to conceal

But never did these things so lewd
At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed
They do not count, if we stayed dressed

It never happened with cigar
I never dated Mrs. Starr
I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN

I broke some rules my Mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you’ve caught me

But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
But never, never did inhale.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Halloween (+1180)      

- The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass not the other way around.

- ‘Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.

- Your “Naked Linda Tripp” costume is actually more nauseating than scary.

- Your “Yanni” costume got you beat up on the way to the party, four times.

- Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your “Diggler” is stuck in the car door.

- Your beret falls off every time you kneel.

- Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check. Can of Homer Simpson “Duff Beer?” Check. Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!

- No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.

- This year’s guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.

- Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.

- The judges wrongly interpreted your “Liposuction By-product” costume as a “Bowl of Tapioca Pudding” costume.

- The only song you knew to go with the costume was “Mammy,” and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.

- *Nobody* likes a farting clown.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Politics (+3829)      

FLYIN’ D.N.A.

I got all excited, made a giant mess,
It was my misfortune, it landed on her dress.
Man I thought I was careful, and pointed far away,
But she caught a dressful of Flyin’ D.N.A,

She was so damn playful, such a little tease,
I used to laugh at the rug burn, on her chubby knees.
She tried her best to escape it, but couldn’t get away,
I bit my lip and fired, Flyin’ D.N.A.,

I thought it was our secret, but she let it slip,
Monica went blabbin’, right to Linda Tripp.
She taped it on her recorder, and she just pressed play,
And the world got an earful, of Flyin’ D.N.A.,

When the dress gets tested, by the F.B.I.,
My only option is to just deny.
But before you impeach me, here’s what’s in store,
Your new El’ Presedente’, will be that putz Al Gore.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Politics (+3829)      

Here’s a tale from the oval office
Told without rancour or malice
About intern acts
And oral sex
On the presidential phallus.

Bill’s dick was out of its stable
With Monica willing and able
To meet and greet
That piece of meat
Beneath a White House table.

Matters of state were delayed
As he wanted a little quick head
But after one slick lick
On the end of his dick
He came on her blue dress instead.

Said Monica “This is really a pain
For you’ve gone and left a big stain
But no way will I wash it
I’ll keep it and stash it
For someday I may need it again.”

Said Bill “I hope that no-one has seen us
With you going down on my penis
For no one must know
That you gave me a blow
So we’ll keep this thing strictly between us.”

But after making so messy a slip
Between Bill’s dick and her lip
Monica felt a need to confess
About the stain on her dress
To the loathsome Linda Tripp.

To her cost poor Monica found
That Linda was wired up for sound
She had her tape running
For the tale of Bill’s cuming
And that’s how the word got around.

Then Tripp told that fellow Ken Starr
Who wanted Bill’s Balls in a jar
And he created a dinsky
That made Miss Lewinsky
Hand that dress into the bar.

This guy Starr will not rest
And the Feds are doing their best
To see if that spot
Is Bill’s cum or not
By running a DNA test.

Poor Bill feels a bit of a twit
About all that Lewinsky bit
For by being immoral
And indulging in oral
He’s landed himself in the shit.

You’ll remember Bill’s pot-smoking tale
And this time he’ll surely not fail
To say ejaculations
Aren’t sexual relations
Because Monica didn’t inhale.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com