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Related:  Technology (+1813)      

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self – destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Ollie North Virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

Nike Virus: Just does it.

Sears Virus: Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, “Read my docs… no new files!” on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

Colin Powell Virus: Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.

Bill Clinton Virus: Corrupts your help files by fondling them, then denies anything has happened.

Hillary Clinton Virus: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

O.J. Simpson Virus: You know it’s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can’t prove it.

Bob Dole Virus: Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.

Bobbitt Virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re – attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)

Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200GB.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C:

Politically Correct Virus: Never identifies itself as a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro – organism”.

Arnold Schwarzeneggar Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

Dan Quayle Virus: Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!

Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas Virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

Airline Luggage Virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother board.

Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

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Related:  Italian (+655)      

Top Ten Hilarious Pranks In The Mafia

10. Tell a guy you’re going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick.
9. Tape sign to informant’s back that reads: “Whack me.”
8. The old “non-drying cement shoes” gag.
7. Put body in big paper bag, place it on somebody’s doorstep, light it on fire, ring doorbell, run away.
6. Phone local teamsters office, say, “This is Jimmy Hoffa–any messages for me?”
5. Call up Domino’s; order a pizza for Mr. Foghead A. Boutit.
4. The old severed finger in the hot dog bun trick.
3. Replace someone’s “Godfather” tape with a Teletubbys video.
2. Instead of horse’s head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to linda trip
1. Three words: squirting pinkie rings.

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Related:  Technology (+1813)      

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self – destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Ollie North Virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

Nike Virus: Just does it.

Sears Virus: Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, “Read my docs… no new files!” on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

Colin Powell Virus: Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.

Bill Clinton Virus: Corrupts your help files by fondling them, then denies anything has happened.

Hillary Clinton Virus: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

O.J. Simpson Virus: You know it’s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can’t prove it.

Bob Dole Virus: Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.

Bobbitt Virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re – attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)

Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200GB.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C:

Politically Correct Virus: Never identifies itself as a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro – organism”.

Arnold Schwarzeneggar Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

Dan Quayle Virus: Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!

Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas Virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

Airline Luggage Virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother board.

Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

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Related:  Technology (+1813)      

If you type these in from the csh (c shell): in Unix you really do get these responses.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% got a light?
No match.

% sleep with me
bad character

% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% make ‘heads or tails of all this’
Make: Don’t know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.

% make sense
Make: Don’t know how to make sense. Stop.

% make mistake
Make: Don’t know how to make mistake. Stop.

% make bottle.open
Make: Don’t know how to make bottle.open. Stop.

% ( –
( – : Command not found.

% make light
Make: Don’t know how to make light. Stop.

% date me
You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 2001

% man rear
No manual entry for rear.

% If I had a ) for every dollar Clinton spent, what would I have?
Too many )’s.

% * How would you describe Clinton
*: Ambiguous.

% %Vice – President
%Vice – President: No such job.

% ls Meese – Ethics
Meese – Ethics not found

% “How would you rate Clinton’s senility?
Unmatched “.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ]. |

% ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.

% who is my match?
No match.

% set i=”Democratic_Platform”;mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
Democratic_Platform unreadable

% awk “Polly, the ship is sinking”
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line

% ‘thou shalt not commit adultery’
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.

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Related:  Italian (+655)      

Top Ten Hilarious Pranks In The Mafia

10. Tell a guy you’re going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick.
9. Tape sign to informant’s back that reads: “Whack me.”
8. The old “non-drying cement shoes” gag.
7. Put body in big paper bag, place it on somebody’s doorstep, light it on fire, ring doorbell, run away.
6. Phone local teamsters office, say, “This is Jimmy Hoffa-any messages for me?”
5. Call up Domino’s; order a pizza for Mr. Foghead A. Boutit.
4. The old severed finger in the hot dog bun trick.
3. Replace someone’s “Godfather” tape with a Teletubbys video.
2. Instead of horse’s head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to linda trip
1. Three words: squirting pinkie rings.

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