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Related:  Clinton (+187)      

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.”
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.”
“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss!”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Q: Why does Hillary Clinton often wear turtle necks when attending Bill’s speaking engagements?

A: So you can’t see her adam’s apple move as he speaks.

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Related:  Halloween (+1180)      

* Al Gore’s PRESIDENTIAL costume
* Al Gore Disco Fever costume
* Positive Home Pregnancy Test
* Jacko-Lantern
* Marge Schott’s Less Attractive, Slightly More Racist Sister
* Evil British Nanny
* Janet Reno Little French Maid Outfit
* Male Pattern Baldness
* Guy Who Ate Too Much Olestra
* Flaming Tofu Burrito from Hell on a Stick
* President Jesse Helms
* Marv Albert, Warrior Princess
* Mighty Menstruatin’ Power Ranger
* Monica Lewinsky’s butt
* A USED cigar
* 93-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond “dressed” as Tarzan wearing a Medicare badge
* Attorney General Janet Reno dressed as Charles Manson
* Hillary Clinton dressed as Madonna dressed as Evita
* Pat Buchanan dressed as Detective Mark Fuhrman
* Positive Home Pregnancy Test
* Representative Newt Gingrich dressed as Dr. Kevorkian
* Senator Ted “Chappaquiddick” Kennedy dressed as a taxi driver
* Vice President Al Gore dressed as Tipper Gore

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Related:  Animals (+5185)      

The Original Version
The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

The New Liberal Version
The ant busts his tail in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter.
Shivering, the grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Night Line and charges the ant with “Green Bias” and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News and tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the “Temperatures Of The 80’s.”
Finally the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act” RETROACTIVE to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday afternoon between 1:30 and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows scheduled. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he’s in…which just happens to be the ant’s old house . . . crumbles around him since he doesn’t know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant’s food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of “Fairness” has dawned in America.

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Related:  Clinton (+187)      

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.”
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
“What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.”
“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss!”

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