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Related:  Politics (+3830), Q & A (+15905)      

Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in?

A: A noose.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32388)      

Application to date my daughter
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________ If NO, explain_________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Number of years married________If less than your age, Explain______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____ A waterbed?__________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______ A condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ Church you attend______________________________________ How often you attend_______ When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?_____________ Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. (that means I won’t tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be __________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________________________________________________________ C: A woman’s place is in the __________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __________________________________________________________ E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is __________________________________________________________ NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to do IF you grow up __________________________________________________________________________ What is the current going rate of a hotel room?_______________ Condoms come in
A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OFTHE ABOVE (circleone) I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN HAND TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _______________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name moron) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

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Related:  Politics (+3830), Q & A (+15905)      

Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?

A: They were dating the same girl in high school.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy”. One little boy stands up and offers that “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.” A girl raises her hand. “If a schoolbus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton.”That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. “What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.”
“Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.

If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.

If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.

If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.

If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.

If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.

If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.

If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn’t believe it.

If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.

If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.

If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.

If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.

If a government worker has two cows, he can’t sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.

If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn’t have enough, she gives them bull.

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