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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Q: What`s the difference between David Beckham and a new Airfix model?

A: One`s a glueless kit…

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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?” Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn`t hesitate. “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”
Picasso erases Einstein`s scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
The last to arrive is David Beckham, Saint Peter scratches his head. “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
Becks looks bewildered, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in Beckham”

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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, “I`d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Beckham “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I`ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you`re going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?”
“Why do I need help to donate sperm?” asks Beckham. The receptionist replies “Well, it says on your record that you`re a useless wanker…”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32425)      

Why did the chickhen cross the road?
To get to the other side

Why did David Beckham cross the road?
Because he likes chickhens

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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, “I`d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Beckham “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I`ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you`re going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?”
“Why do I need help to donate sperm?” asks Beckham. The receptionist replies “Well, it says on your record that you`re a useless wanker…”

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