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Related:  Politics (+3828), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?

A: Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.

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Related:  Politics (+3828)      

Now that it seems almost a certainty that George W. Bush will become the Republican nominee for President, attention will soon focus upon whom Governor Bush will pick for his Vice Presidential running mate. It is rumored that one of the names on the ‘short list’ currently being floated in upper level Republican circles is former Vice President, Dan Quayle.

For many, there seems to be some very sound reasoning for picking Quayle. As was pointed out by one senior official who wished not be identified, Quayle “already knows how to do the job, will contribute gaffes that will deflect attention away from Bush’s own, and in a cost saving side benefit will help the party minimize printing costs for new ‘Bush-Quayle’ posters and bumper stickers (since they can use the leftovers from the 1988 and 1992 campaigns).

Apparently, part of the overall strategy is the targeting of a key demographic group that has been virtually ignored in previous presidential campaigns: Senile and confused voters. One recent survey puts the ‘senile and confused’ at approximately 3.8% of the voting population. The hope is that this group will mistakenly believe that this is the same Bush-Quayle ticket they voted for in 1988 and 1992 and will once again cast their votes for another, albeit different, Bush-Quayle ticket. The dilemma facing Republican strategists however is determining how best to mount an effective campaign that will get out the ‘senile and confused’ vote. One strategist sighed, “They’re a hard group to reach, let alone give instructions to.”

Additionally, word has it that the former Vice President is undertaking some unique preparations for another run at the Vice Presidency. Included in his training regimen is a comprehensive reading of Websters Dictionary cover to cover as well as listening to the popular vocabulary-building program on cassette tapes, “Verbal Advantage.”

For many, the inclusion of former Vice President Quayle on the ticket will spell ‘opportunitee’. When one reporter asked Quayle “what do you think about running on a ticket with a Bush again,” the former Vice President expressed that he was “clearly delighted” about it. However, Quayle did seem somewhat puzzled and perplexed as to why Bush has now added a “W” to his name when he didn’t seem to use one before.

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Related:  Celebrity (+957)      

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?

A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

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Related:  Cat (+695)      

10. Veterinarians have evening hours.
9. Your kitten won’t be able to disturb the whole movie theater with its crying. Heck, you don’t even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don’t, you don’t even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.
8. Your kitten won’t grow out of those cute, but expensive clothes within three months.
7. Kittens look cute if they haven’t had a bath this month.
6. You probably don’t have to lie awake nights wondering how you are going to finance your kitten’s college education.
5. No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don’t want to breast feed your kitten.
4. No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.
3. Dan Quayle can’t accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren’t married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
2. No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear you just got a kitten.

And the Number 1 reason why kittens are better than babies:
1. You only have to change a litter box once a day.

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Related:  Celebrity (+957)      

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?

A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

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