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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?

A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

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Related:  Redneck (+1460)      

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has ‘mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names
The South has double first names

The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms

The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits

The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads

The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners

The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt

The North has Dan Quayle
The South has Bill Clinton

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

(since he dropped out of the Presidential race)

13) Sort marbles, by size and color.

12) Finally — travel up North to see Mexico!

11) Cancel “Presidency for Dummies” book deal.

10) Sue the hell out of Dairy Queen for using my initials.

9) Wife wants a vacation — talk to Dole about that Niagra place he’s been raving about.

8) Return to Planet Ork, make final report to Orson.

7) Eat a big bowl of ice cream for dinner, then stay up as late as I want to!

6) Form exploratory committee to investigate running for Queen of England.

5) Try to snag some VIP seats to the opening ceremonies for the upcoming Olympic Games in Atlanta.

4) Stay focused and begin work on 2002 Presidential election.

3) Try to have the best Pokemon collection of any politician.

2) Call George W. Bush and wish him luck; compliment him on how much younger he looks than when he was president.

1) Get out the Legos and build my own damn White House!

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Related:  Celebrity (+956)      

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?

A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

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Related:  Animals (+5185)      

10. Veterinarians have evening hours.
9. Your kitten won’t be able to disturb the whole movie theater with its crying. Heck, you don’t even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don’t, you don’t even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.
8. Your kitten won’t grow out of those cute, but expensive clothes within three months.
7. Kittens look cute if they haven’t had a bath this month.
6. You probably don’t have to lie awake nights wondering how you are going to finance your kitten’s college education.
5. No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don’t want to breast feed your kitten.
4. No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.
3. Dan Quayle can’t accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren’t married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
2. No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear you just got a kitten.

And the Number 1 reason why kittens are better than babies:
1. You only have to change a litter box once a day.

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