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Related:  Politics (+3829)      

With the upcoming 2000 elections there has been a lot of confusion over the players crucial to the next election. So I’ve found a way to simplify this topic very well.

This is all the Wizard of Oz. Dan Quayle is the scarecrow who needs a brain. Al Gore is the tinman. Colin Powell is the cowardly lion who never manages to run for office. Elizabeth Dole is Dorothy who doesn’t know where she is and not quite sure where she’s going.

And of course we have to mention Clinton because he’s a factor while all this is going on. Clinton is of course Toto, because throughout all this he’s trying to get up into Dorothy’s skirt.

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Related:  Politics (+3829)      

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.

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Related:  Clinton (+187)      

Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all get sucked up by a tornado (or is that tornadoe – sorry for the Dan Quayle humor) and deposited safely in the Land of Oz.

Due to being disoriented, they look around and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before they figure out where they are (the yellow-brick road and all).

Bob Dole says, “Seeing as how we’re in Oz, I’m going to the Wizard and ask for a heart.”

Dan Quayle replies, ” I’ll go with you and I’ll ask the Wizard for a brain.”

Bill Clinton looks around a little more and says, “I wonder where Dorothy is?”

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Related:  Redneck (+1459)      

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has ‘mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names
The South has double first names

The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms

The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits

The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads

The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners

The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt

The North has Dan Quayle
The South has Bill Clinton

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32385)      

New Computer Viruses!
John Bobbit Virus– Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus– Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus– Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro-organism”.
•Right to Life Virus– Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus– Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus– Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus– Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
•MCI Virus– Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
•Sprint Virus– Every 3 minutes it tells you that it’s better than the AT&T and MCI Virus.
•PBS Virus– Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
•Health Care Virus– Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong with it, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
•LAPD Virus– It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense”.
•O.J. Virus– Claims that it did not, could not, and would not delete two of your most important files and vows to find the virus that did it.
•Ross Perot Virus– Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
•Ted Turner Virus– Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
•Dan Quayle Virus– Their is sumthing rong wit your’re komputer, we jsut can’t figyour out watt.

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