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Related:  Technology (+1816)      

PBS Virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self – destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Ollie North Virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

Nike Virus: Just does it.

Sears Virus: Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, “Read my docs… no new files!” on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

Colin Powell Virus: Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.

Bill Clinton Virus: Corrupts your help files by fondling them, then denies anything has happened.

Hillary Clinton Virus: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

O.J. Simpson Virus: You know it’s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can’t prove it.

Bob Dole Virus: Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.

Bobbitt Virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re – attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)

Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200GB.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C:

Politically Correct Virus: Never identifies itself as a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro – organism”.

Arnold Schwarzeneggar Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

Dan Quayle Virus: Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!

Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas Virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

Airline Luggage Virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother board.

Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast, a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, and Newt Gingrich were in a car when they got caught in a tornado, and landed in The Land of Oz. When they got there. Bob Dole said he wanted to see the wizard and ask him for some pineapples. Newt Gingrich said when I see the wizard I will ask for a brain. Then Bill Clinton said, “Where’s Dorothy?”

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Related:  Clinton (+187)      

Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all get sucked up by a tornado (or is that tornadoe – sorry for the Dan Quayle humor) and deposited safely in the Land of Oz.

Due to being disoriented, they look around and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before they figure out where they are (the yellow-brick road and all).

Bob Dole says, “Seeing as how we’re in Oz, I’m going to the Wizard and ask for a heart.”

Dan Quayle replies, ” I’ll go with you and I’ll ask the Wizard for a brain.”

Bill Clinton looks around a little more and says, “I wonder where Dorothy is?”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast, a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

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