Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32383)      

This is deadly serious, so don’t ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of…
THE CLINTON Virus….
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus…
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus…
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus….
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus….
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus….
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus….
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus…
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus….
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus…
(Only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus
(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
…and last but not least…
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus…
(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Financial (+1215)      

* In several places on your tax forms, he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars.”
* Tells you to put all your money into British cattle futures.
* You notice that his “calculator” is just a broken VCR remote.
* Insists that there’s no such number as four.
* He laughed at the Bob Dole background check.
* Counts family of squirrels living in your yard as dependents.
* Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically.
* Instead of C.P.A. license, he’s got a framed photo of a shirtless Alex Trebek.
* Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant.”
* He’s got a 1040 Form tattooed on his arm.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Politics (+3831)      

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Politics (+3831), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32383)      

21. None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.

20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.

19. Your “Do you smell something burning?” slays ’em, year after year.

18. Plenty of legal help available for filing “wrongful death” lawsuit.

17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and you’re back in LA.

16. Satan’s confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.

15. No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole’s election chances.

14. Well, sure, it’s hot, but it’s a *dry* heat.

13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!

12. The surprisingly entertaining “Hitler and Kathie Lee Show.”

11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.

10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.

9. Everywhere you look, there’s a smoking section!

8. Big step up from Bakersfield.

7. Your little “blue flame” trick now produces spectacular results.

6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80’s).

5. Now that you’ve followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.

4. 52 smmmmmokin’ channels of Jim Carrey!

3. Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.

2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan’s knee.

1. Fortune to be made on “Welcome, O.J.” T-shirts.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com