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What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common? They’re both upset Clinton finished first.
They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence. Turns out he didn’t tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.
How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century? Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.
What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate labrador.

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Related:  Clinton (+187)      

Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, and Bill Clinton all get sucked up by a tornado (or is that tornadoe – sorry for the Dan Quayle humor) and deposited safely in the Land of Oz.

Due to being disoriented, they look around and wander aimlessly for a few minutes before they figure out where they are (the yellow-brick road and all).

Bob Dole says, “Seeing as how we’re in Oz, I’m going to the Wizard and ask for a heart.”

Dan Quayle replies, ” I’ll go with you and I’ll ask the Wizard for a brain.”

Bill Clinton looks around a little more and says, “I wonder where Dorothy is?”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32382)      

This is deadly serious, so don’t ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of…
THE CLINTON Virus….
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus…
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus…
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus….
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus….
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus….
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus….
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus…
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus….
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus…
(Only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus
(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
…and last but not least…
THE LORENA BOBBITT virus…
(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)

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Related:  Financial (+1215)      

* In several places on your tax forms, he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars.”
* Tells you to put all your money into British cattle futures.
* You notice that his “calculator” is just a broken VCR remote.
* Insists that there’s no such number as four.
* He laughed at the Bob Dole background check.
* Counts family of squirrels living in your yard as dependents.
* Advises you to save postage by filing your taxes telepathically.
* Instead of C.P.A. license, he’s got a framed photo of a shirtless Alex Trebek.
* Demands that you call him the “Una-Countant.”
* He’s got a 1040 Form tattooed on his arm.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.

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