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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Documents released by the White House show that the Democratic National Committee asked Al Gore to make 140 calls to campaign donors, but he only connected on 56 of them. The other 84 hung up because he sounds just like a dial tone.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Sex in a boat – oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd – dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house – door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum – floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket – store-gasms. Sex at a Steven King Movie – horror-gasms. Sex with a prostitute – whore-gasms. Sex with an accountant – bore-gasms. Sex while sleeping – snore-gasms. Sex with ‘Arthur’ – Dudley Moore-gasms. Sex with cartoon donkeys – Eyeore-gasms. Sex while broke – poor-gasms. Sex with a lion – roar-gasms. Sex for hours and hours on end – sore-gasms. Sex on a golf course – fore-gasms. Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) – more-gasms. Sex in a gold mine – ore-gasms. Sex with a dermatologist – pore-gasms. Sex with a politician – Al Gore-gasms. Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers – s’more-gasms. Sex with a bullfighter – toreador-gasms. Sex with a masked man carrying a sword – zorro-gasms. Sex on the beach – shore-gasms. Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet – smorgasbord-gasms. Sex on a cruise ship deck – shuffleboard-gasms. Sex in asia – Singapore-gasms. Sex among the wonders of nature – outdoor-gasms. Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can – odor-gasms. Sex on the way to the train – ‘All Aboard’-gasms. Sex that wasn’t very satisfying – ‘There’s the door’-gasms. Sex in an adult theater – hard-core-gasms. Sex with someone who’s not paying attention – ignore-gasms. Sex with a competitive partner – score-gasms. Sex while flying – soar-gasms. Sex with a beloved partner – adore-gasms. Sex with a meat-eater – carnivore-gasms. Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo – pompadore-gasms. Sex with someone who’s got bad taste in clothes – velour-gasms. Sex while travelling – tour-gasms. Sex with a big dog – labrador-gasms. Sex with Beavis and Butthead – ‘GonnaScore’-gasms. Sex on stairs at the mall – escalator-gasms. Sex with three of your friends – four-gasms. Sex with a norse God – Thor-gasms. Sex when resistance is futile – Borg-gasms.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Take this little quiz and find out!

1) What is your personal income level? Is it:

- Too much!
- Not enough money, but any more would make me evil.
- Whatever the government lets me keep.
- Money is a tool of the capitalistic overclass which etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
- I have no income. I’ve rejected money and illegally inhabit a national park.

2) Describe your family:

- I’m married with three kids. Oh, and a live-in transsexual who joins us in our orgies.
- The rules of the commune prohibit disclosing personal information.
- I don’t believe in families.
- I don’t believe in the word “describe.”

3) What is the most politically incorrect thing about Scooby Doo?

- Daphne never does anything but stand around and look pretty.
- Scooby was never referred to as a Canine-American.
- Velma is such a lesbian stereotype.
- Shaggy never shares his marijuana.
- “Scooby Snack” reward system encourages mass consumption.
- Criminals are actually put in prison.

4) There’s this weird drunk hanging out in front of your home. Do you:

- Give him two bucks and think highly of yourself.
- Direct him to a government agency that will help him.
- Start a government agency that will help him.
- Respect his personal choice.
- Give Senator Kennedy a ride home.

5) I’m against school vouchers because…

- Bad teachers need jobs too!
- The NEA is against it and a labor union certainly wouldn’t do anything in its own interest.
- A monopoly always yields better results than competition.

6) Bill Clinton’s Welfare Reform Policy is:

- A document with “GOP” scribbled out & “Bill’s” written in with a fat purple magic marker.
- “It’s a trap that discourages work & rewards illegitimacy and we’re keeping it.”
- What would you like it to be?
- What time is it?

7) Bill Clinton’s Official Drug Policy is:

- Whatever the Republicans are currently working on.
- A new poster: “Don’t Be A Shaggy; Share Your Drugs!”
- White House aides using drugs won’t be allowed to work unless they’re Democrats.
- “Just say no to inhaling!”
- What would you like it to be?
- What time is it?

8) Why do you admire Hillary Clinton?

- Anyone who can make $100K without knowing cattle futures deserves admiring.
- The only dead people I can conjure up are Paul Lynde and Redd Foxx.
- If only I could lie so convincingly!
- Hey! She puts up with Bill! Give her some credit.
- We need more strong, intelligent women in prison.

9) What would Bill Clinton have to do for you to not vote for him?

- Develop a big ugly eyestalk in the middle of his forehead.
- Appear in a remake of “Bedtime for Bonzo.”
- Claim to be “more famous than JFK!”
- Wear a t-shirt showing a bullet-riddled Snoopy.
- Join the Republican party.

10) If Bill and Hillary discovered _________ in Chelsea’s room, they would disown her. ONLY ONE ANSWER IS CORRECT.

- Condoms.
- Marijuana.
- Cocaine.
- A videotape with a note: “It was fun! Here’s a copy–Rob Lowe”
- An antique German lampshade with a registration tattoo on it.
- “The Way Things Oughta Be” by Rush Limbaugh.

11) Al Gore’s dynamic speech pattern makes him an excellent choice for the position of:

- Vice President.
- President.
- Governor.
- Senator.
- Environmental spokesman.
- TalkieToy Robot recorded voice.
- Kindergarten teacher.

12) Bill Clinton strongly believes in:

- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.
- Bill Clinton.

13) There is a logical, believable way that missing Whitewater documents showed up in the White House reading room that adjoins Hillary’s office after the administration claimed to have handed over all relevant documents:

- They were being used to line Sock’s box.
- Time-traveling KGB spies plotting to avenge the fall of communism.
- They had been blank sheets of paper until Bill spilled lemon juice on them.
- That rascally David Copperfield again!
- Hillary had them.

SCORING: None. IF you think this is a humor page, you’re a Republican. IF you had a hard time picking the best answer because they’re all so true, you’re a Democrat.

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. His wife got a terrible headache and told Al to go to the party alone. Al, being a devoted husband, protested, but his wife argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Al took his costume and away he went.
His wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since Al did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching Al to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Al cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, Al left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let Al go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally Al whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Al would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when Al came in and asked what kind of a time he had. Al said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
Al replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Larry Flint, Janet Reno, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… I loaned my costume to Bill and he told me he had a great time!”

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Related:  Politics (+3831), Q & A (+15910)      

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and Socialism?
A: He uses the phrase Social Entitlements instead.

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