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Related:  Politics (+3832), Q & A (+15913)      

Q: How does Al Gore get to sleep?
A: He counts ballot papers.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. His wife got a terrible headache and told Al to go to the party alone. Al, being a devoted husband, protested, but his wife argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Al took his costume and away he went.
His wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since Al did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching Al to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Al cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, Al left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let Al go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally Al whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Al would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when Al came in and asked what kind of a time he had. Al said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
Al replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Larry Flint, Janet Reno, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… I loaned my costume to Bill and he told me he had a great time!”

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

The Top 16 Changes at the White House Now That the Clintons have a Puppy

16. To avoid confusion, staff reverts back to referring to Madelaine Albright by name.
15. New “doggy door” makes it that much easier to sneak out at midnight run to McDonald’s.
14. At long last, Bill won’t have to flinch *every* time he hears “Bad boy.”
13. President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else’s yard.
12. “Bitch” label now somewhat ambiguous.
11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.
10. New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.
9. Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading: “Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr!”
8. Shouts of “Come!” from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.
7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the White House Pug-Ugly List.
6. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.
5. Roger Clinton no longer the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.
4. Cries of “What a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.
3. To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.
2. “Get that horny furball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President. The Number 1 Change at the White House Now That the Clintons have a Puppy…
1. Campaign donors staying overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom now find complimentary Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

‘Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Especially Al Gore.

The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.

When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.

Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There’s a special report,
And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H!

And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil’ troll,
With tapes for us to hear.

With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy ‘do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.

On the chair! On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest.

The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba Had gotten a hummer.

And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she’d just kept her mouth shut,
We’d not have all this trouble.

And thus set in motion,
A whole web o’ spiders,
With pundits galore,
And “White House insiders.

You ask, “Who would care
About Bill and his penis?”
Republican Ken Starr,
And he’s armed with subpoenas!

More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
“Here’s one for you!
And for you! And you, too!”

“Now Jordan! Now Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let’s subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!”

“We want you to tell us
About Bill’s private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
‘cept, of course, his wife.”

And many months later,
After long we’ve all suffered,
Let’s examine more closely
Just what Starr’s uncovered.

We’ve learned “Little Bill”
Has a mind of his own,
And – horror of horrors -
He likes to get blown!

A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don’t care
Just who Clinton, er, makes love to.

The economy’s great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!

Now the public’s grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To “E.R.”, and to “Friends.”

Now Monica, Linda-
And Ken Starr, you suck -
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box kid?” to which the little boy says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.”

Al Gore laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?”

“Democrats,” the child says.

“Oh that’s cute,” Al Gore says and he runs off.

A couple of days later Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.

Al Gore says to Bill, “You gotta check this out,” and they both jog over to the boy with the box.

Al Gore says, “Look in the box Bill, isn’t that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid, tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they are.”

The boy replies, “They’re Republicans.”

“Whoa!” Al Gore says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What’s up?”

“Well,” the kid says, “Their eyes are open now.”

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