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Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Bill replies, “I am Bill Clinton, and I was president of the United States!” St. Peter says, “Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord.” So they go to meet the Lord, who says “Who are you and what have you done?” Clinton replies, “I am Bill Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!” The Lord then says, “Come Bill, sit on my right hand.” Clinton then sits down to the right of the Lord, extremely happy.
Al Gore then dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Al replies much the same as Bill did, stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president of the US. St. Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat on his left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic.
After a while, Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is and what she did, to which she replies, “Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife of the president of the US.” Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord who repeats the question, “Who are you and what have you done?” Hillary replies, “I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you are in my seat!”

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Related:  Politics (+3832), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore’s life?

A: Grade six.

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Four years later…

December 30, 2004 / Washington, D.C. (Associated Press)
After four years of legal wrangling, George W. Bush was finally declared the winner of the 2000 presidential election yesterday.
Bush, a Republican, will take the oath of office at noon today and serves until Jan. 20, 2005, a term of about three weeks. Then he gives way to the winner of the 2004 presidential election, New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Greenspan (formerly Clinton).
Facing a drastically shortened presidency, Bush attempted to strike an optimistic tone last night. “We have a lot to accomplish in the next three weeks,” Bush said. “Reforming Social Security alone is probably going to eat up four or five hours. Let’s get to work!”
Aides yesterday were calling temporary employment agencies in a frantic effort to fill Cabinet posts. Bush’s victory ends a four – year court battle between him and Democratic candidate Al Gore over the results of the 2000 election.
While the dispute raged on, the nation installed an interim president – New York Yankees Manager Joe Torre. Torre admitted that running a country and a baseball team simultaneously has been a strain. “At times, it’s been difficult to keep the two things straight. Although, in retrospect, trading Jesse Helms to the Red Sox turned out OK.”
Torre’s four years in office were marked by continued prosperity at home and relative calm abroad. His most controversial move was appointing Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer to the Supreme Court. Critics charged that Zimmer lacked experience. He also spit tobacco juice on Antonin Scalia’s shoes, angering conservatives. Torre’s boldest foreign policy initiative was making Cuba the 51st state in an effort to improve U.S. pitching.
Torre was planning to vacate the White House by midnight tonight, with Bush moving in immediately. Eager to give an aura of permanency to his three – week administration, Bush rebuffed suggestions that he sleep on a bare mattress on the floor and live out of suitcases.
Gore, meanwhile, has yet to concede defeat. The former vice president issued a statement today saying, “It would be improper and disrespectful to the democratic process to act hastily before all the facts are known.”
The legal tangle over the 2000 election began with a Gore lawsuit over the confusing design of ballots in Florida. When the courts sided with Gore, Bush filed suit, arguing that the Oregon results were invalid because some ballots were yellow and others pink. Gore countersued, charging that the West Virginia results should be thrown out because some people failed to receive “I Voted Today” stickers.
Through the years, various officials proposed compromises to resolve the impasse. All were rejected, including:
Establishing a co – presidency, with the two men sharing duties and splitting the White House. Although never implemented, the idea gave rise to a hit TV show, East Wing, West Wing.
Establishing temporarily separate nations, with each candidate ruling the states he won in the 2000 election. Gore, who failed to carry his native Tennessee, balked at the idea because it would mean showing a passport every time he went home. Observers said the biggest challenge for the Bush administration will be working with Congress, which adjourns tomorrow and isn’t expected back until after Bush’s term ends. “One day may not be quite enough time to overhaul the tax system,” a Bush aide admitted. “But maybe we can get started and then finish it later with a big conference call or something.”
Meanwhile, Bush also must work on his legacy and prepare to transfer power to President – elect Greenspan. She yesterday wished Bush well and asked if she could start moving some boxes into the White House basement.

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Related:  Politics (+3832), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents?

A: He’s the stiff one.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,
“Are you ready to order?”
Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.”
“A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current
situation of your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea.
I’ll come back when you are ready to order from the menu.”
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, “It’s pronounced Quiche.”

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