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Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.

Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth’s ecological system was most important. God looked to Al and said, ” I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand”.

God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, ” I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand”.

God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked “What is your problem Bill Gates?”

Bill Gates responded ” I think you are sitting in my chair”.

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FLYIN’ D.N.A.

I got all excited, made a giant mess,
It was my misfortune, it landed on her dress.
Man I thought I was careful, and pointed far away,
But she caught a dressful of Flyin’ D.N.A,

She was so damn playful, such a little tease,
I used to laugh at the rug burn, on her chubby knees.
She tried her best to escape it, but couldn’t get away,
I bit my lip and fired, Flyin’ D.N.A.,

I thought it was our secret, but she let it slip,
Monica went blabbin’, right to Linda Tripp.
She taped it on her recorder, and she just pressed play,
And the world got an earful, of Flyin’ D.N.A.,

When the dress gets tested, by the F.B.I.,
My only option is to just deny.
But before you impeach me, here’s what’s in store,
Your new El’ Presedente’, will be that putz Al Gore.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32429)      

35. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
34. “My Love Affair with ABC” by Ellen DeGeneres
33. Human Rights Advances in China
32. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
31. “Tolerance” by Reggie White
30. “Things I Wouldn’t Do for Money” by Dennis Rodman
29. Al Gore: The Wild Years
28. Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
27. “You Are Our Customer!” by the IRS
26. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
25. Detroit – A Travel Guide
24. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
23. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
22. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
21. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
20. Everything Men Know About Women
19. Everything Women Know About Men
18. “My Case for Ecumenicalism” by Rev. Bob Jones III
17. George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
16. “How to Sustain a Musical Career” by Art Garfunkel
15. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
14. “Family Values” by Congressman Bob Barr & Mrs. Barr III
13. Staple Your Way to Success
12. The Amish Phone Directory
11. The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion
10. Boulder Police Evidence in the JonBenet Ramsey Case
9. Christianity in the Christian Coalition
8. The Impartiality of Kenneth Starr
7. The Honesty of Saddam Hussein
6. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson
5. “The Moral High Road in Government” by Bill Clinton
4. French Hospitality
3. Easy UNIX
2. “Quit Alcohol in 12 Easy Steps” by Boris Yeltsin
1. “My Family’s Musical Talent” by Slim Whitman

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. His wife got a terrible headache and told Al to go to the party alone. Al, being a devoted husband, protested, but his wife argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Al took his costume and away he went.
His wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since Al did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching Al to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Al cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him, and being a rather seductive babe herself, Al left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let Al go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally Al whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Al would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when Al came in and asked what kind of a time he had. Al said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
Al replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Larry Flint, Janet Reno, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… I loaned my costume to Bill and he told me he had a great time!”

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On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.
That clears up a lot of things

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