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Related:  Technology (+1814)      

Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re “hip” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for (“You don’t know? RTFM”).

WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!

When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your ‘creative criticism,’ do it again. Continue until they go away.

Software and files offered on-line are often “compressed” so that itwon’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mail responses like “Thanks.”

Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like “SexyHouseWives,” then see how many people download them. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on. Take bets and calculate odds on the results of each upload’s popularity.

cc: all your E-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what’s happening on the information Superhighway Internet.

Join a discussion group, and tie whatever’s being discussed back to an unrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if you’re in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct all other members to ignore you.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

Clinton: We forgive you…Now Resign!

Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency

Adultery is not a family value

Does character matter YET?

One More Whore And We Get Gore

Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat

My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student

Jail to the Chief

Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President

The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility

If his private life doesn’t matter, let him date YOUR daughter.

Save the President: Legalize Perjury

Three terms for Clinton: the third in jail

Clinton: Our Nation’s Fondling Father

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

35. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
34. “My Love Affair with ABC” by Ellen DeGeneres
33. Human Rights Advances in China
32. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
31. “Tolerance” by Reggie White
30. “Things I Wouldn’t Do for Money” by Dennis Rodman
29. Al Gore: The Wild Years
28. Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
27. “You Are Our Customer!” by the IRS
26. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
25. Detroit – A Travel Guide
24. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
23. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
22. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
21. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
20. Everything Men Know About Women
19. Everything Women Know About Men
18. “My Case for Ecumenicalism” by Rev. Bob Jones III
17. George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
16. “How to Sustain a Musical Career” by Art Garfunkel
15. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
14. “Family Values” by Congressman Bob Barr & Mrs. Barr III
13. Staple Your Way to Success
12. The Amish Phone Directory
11. The Engineer’s Guide to Fashion
10. Boulder Police Evidence in the JonBenet Ramsey Case
9. Christianity in the Christian Coalition
8. The Impartiality of Kenneth Starr
7. The Honesty of Saddam Hussein
6. “My Plan To Find The Real Killers” by OJ Simpson
5. “The Moral High Road in Government” by Bill Clinton
4. French Hospitality
3. Easy UNIX
2. “Quit Alcohol in 12 Easy Steps” by Boris Yeltsin
1. “My Family’s Musical Talent” by Slim Whitman

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

*Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.

*New “doggy door” makes it that much easier to sneak out for a midnight run to McDonald’s.

*At long last, Bill won’t have to flinch *every* time he hears “Bad boy.”

*President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else’s yard.

*Even more silly photo opportunities for the President on the White House lawn.

*New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.

*Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading “Bil luvs Monika!”

*Shouts of “Come!” from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.

*Chelsea now has to share her room with more popular sibling when she comes home from school.

*Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.

*Roger Clinton no longer is the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.

*Cries of “What a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.

*To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.

*”Get that horny fur ball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President.

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Related:  Politics (+3830), Q & A (+15910)      

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.

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