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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

Al Gore is so dull that his secret service code name is “Al Gore”.

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Related:  Politics (+3832), Q & A (+15909)      

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and Socialism?

A: He uses the phrase Social Entitlements instead.

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Related:  Politics (+3832)      

*Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no longer automatically implicate the President.

*New “doggy door” makes it that much easier to sneak out for a midnight run to McDonald’s.

*At long last, Bill won’t have to flinch *every* time he hears “Bad boy.”

*President no longer the only one accused of burying his bone in someone else’s yard.

*Even more silly photo opportunities for the President on the White House lawn.

*New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.

*Obviously miffed Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note reading “Bil luvs Monika!”

*Shouts of “Come!” from Lincoln bedroom no longer make Hillary suspicious.

*Chelsea now has to share her room with more popular sibling when she comes home from school.

*Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore’s daily to-do list.

*Roger Clinton no longer is the only one to piddle in the Rose Garden.

*Cries of “What a dog!” no longer make Janet Reno burst into tears at State dinners.

*To the embarrassment of the trainers, dog still unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.

*”Get that horny fur ball off my leg!” no longer refers exclusively to the President.

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Related:  Celebrity (+963)      

Q: What’s the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?

A: One’s a tree-hugging stiff… and the other’s a tree-hugging stiff.

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Related:  Christmas (+1018)      

The night before Chreemas, on Thorsday I theenk,
I go to cantina to geet me a dreenk.
I dreenk saam tequila, I dreenk eet too fast,
Preety damn queek, I fall on my ass.

I peek myself up and go home to bed,
I pool the cobija up ober my head.
Early next morning, or late een the night,
I heer such damn recket, I theenk eet’s a fight.

I geet outta bed, I don feel very well,
My head ees too beeg, eet hort me like hell.
I go to the weendow, I don believe what I see,
A pot-bellied greengo, as plain as can be.

I looook at heez ropa, ees all colored red,
He got heem some chivos tied on to a sled.
I yella and I holler, “Hey, move your fat ass,
Your chivos–they chit on my grass!”

He torn to heez goats, he say just one word,
And them damn chivos chomp in the air like a bord.
They corcle around, and then queek as a mouse,
He land that damn sled on top of my house.

They chaking their horns and stomping hees hoof,
I theenk they damn chore play hell with my roof.
I heer theze ole man chout loud and clear,
“What the hell, Rodriquez, ain’t no cheemney up here…”

“No door, no weendow, nothing but air,
How I gon geev you theze goverment welfare?”
Then right away theze Rodriquez see—
He gon get heemself something for free.

So he says to the greengo, “Please come een senior,
Do come on down and use the front door.”
So, he come een the house, and upon heez broad back,
He is carry one hell of beeg gony sack.

He puut theze beeg sack down on the floor,
And start pooling out comida galore.
He pool out tortillas, tamales and ham,
He pool out a cheekin and haff of a lamb.

He pool out cervesa and a bottle of wine,
I cannot believe that theze eez all mine!
I’m theenking, “Rodriquez, you locky by heck,
Theze chore as hell beats unemployment sheck.”

So he chakes out heez boles and dreenk some of my wine,
And cosses hees chivos to get them een line.
He cosses and hollers, he knows every one,
“Chingow, Cabron, Yo, Son of a gon.”

That ole man he know how to puut on a chow,
Trying to make them damn chivos get up and go.
At last he get them to chom een the sky,
And the last time I see heem, he preety damn high.

He going away and the last theeng I heeer,
“IF YOU VOTE FOR AL GORE, I BE BACK NEXT YEAR!”

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