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Related:  Halloween (+1180), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?

A: A stake sandwich…

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5687)      

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.
“I’d love to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear-everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered a Big Mac for her along with extra fries and refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie-the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”
One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size!”

…The moral of this story is:

If a woman speaks and a man is there to hear her, he will get it wrong anyway.

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Related:  Blonde (+4657), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5687)      

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a “Curse” he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says “maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man says without hesitation
“I now pronounce you man and wife”.

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Related:  Lists (+737)      

1. You’re introduced to everyone as “The Minesweeper God”.

2. You have visited every website in the world.

3. You’re the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.

4. You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.

5. You’re able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.

6. Your doctor says that he’s never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.

7. You’ve seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.

8. Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.

9. In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.

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