Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


Related:  School (+377)      

Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?
Pupil: One big haystack!

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Thanksgiving (+129)      

On the First Day…..
We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day…..
We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day…..
We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day…..
We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day…..
We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day…..
We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day…..
We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day…..
The word ”vegetarian” keeps popping into our heads.

On the Ninth Day…..
We check our hair to make sure we’re not beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day…..
We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day…..
We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day…..
We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says, “Amen!”

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Light Bulb (+1131), Q & A (+15905)      

Q: How many strong does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Women (+411)      

In praise of women over 55

* A woman over 55 won’t wake you in the middle of the night and ask, “So what are you thinking of?” She doesnt care what you’re thinking of.
* A woman over 55 doesn’t care what you might think of her. She is supremely confident. She knows who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
* A woman over 55 is dignified. She seldom argues with you loudly when you’re out with friends, or when you’re in an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, you’ll cop it when you return home.
* A woman over 55 is generous with her praise, often undeserved, because she has experience of what it was like to be unappreciated.
* Although women get psychic as they age, you’ll never need to confess your sins to a woman over 55. She always knows.
* A woman over 55 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
* Once you get past a few unimportant wrinkles, a woman over 55 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
* A woman over 55 is forthright and honest. She’ll tell you straight away when you start to act like a jerk. You wont ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Most elderly men praise women over 55 for all the above reasons and more. Unfortunately, its not always reciprocal. For every stunning, smartly dressed, well made up woman over 55, there’s a bald, paunchy, tired-looking man making a fool of himself flirting with some young waitress.

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends
Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

Whats the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vaccum?

– With a vaccum, the dirtbags on the inside

Share on Facebook!    Share on Twitter!    Share on Reddit!    Share on Stumbleupon!    Share on LinkedIn!    Share on Google!    Share with friends


© 2015 ijokedb.com