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Related:  Animals (+5195)      

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “Boy, I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down and gave a little monkey yell.

“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down and made his noises..

“Well, did you see this?”

“Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?”

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer.

“Yes,” the monkey nodded.

“What else?”

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?”

“Yes.”

“What else?”

The monkey motioned a sexual act.

“They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer.

“Yes.”

“Now wait a minute. You’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked?”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving,” motioned the monkey.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
A dead girlfriend and an ex-wife.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

Telegram received from ex-employee:

“Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.
“The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely play.”
The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be o sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”
The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

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Related:  Music (+2464), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

A: Drool.

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