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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

A young ventriloquist is touring through the southern United States and stops to entertain at a small bar in Texas. He’s going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes. We ain’t all stupid here in the South.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

Why do men like blonde jokes??

Because they can understand them.

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Related:  Little Johnny (+648)      

Little Johnny walks into his mother’s room and catches her topless. “Mommy, what are those?” he says pointing to her breasts.

“Well Johnny,” she says, these are balloons and when you die they inflate and float you up to heaven.” Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.

Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. “Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!”

“Little Johnny what do you mean?” says his mother.

“Well she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her balloons are out. Dad’s blowing them up, and she keeps yelling, “God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!!”

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Related:  Law (+1198)      

An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate.

1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer

Well, today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars inside.

When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave.

After the man passed on, the 3 people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, “I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me on lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested.”

The Priest said, “I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. I did, however,
throw the other $25,000 in the grave.”

Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing! “I am surprised at you two taking advantage of him like that.”

“I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in ! ! !”

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Related:  St. Patrick's Day (+170)      

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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