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Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?

A: Birds of prey!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff’s Department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
[AP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.
[Unknown] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock — and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

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Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?

A. Hugh Grant.

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Related:  Jewish (+6992)      

Yetta and Sarah, both well known braggers, meet one Sunday at Brent Cross shopping centre. “I held a fantastic dinner party last night,” says Yetta, “my guests had so much good food and wine available to them that when they left to walk over to their cars, they were all doubled-over.”
Without missing a beat, Sarah replies, “From your house they could walk?”

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Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.

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