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Related:  Blonde (+4657)      

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.”

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” Then she yells, “YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.”

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll, anyway?”

The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and
tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever
since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the
pig is a male or female.
“No! I’m not doing it anymore!” says the farmer. “And the pig is a
female, of course. What the hell do you think I am – a goddam queer?

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
“Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

It was a very cold day when Daniel arrives at his grandparents’ house. He’s greeted by his bubbeh and taken into the lounge. “Where’s zaydeh?” he asks.
“He’s in the garden,” she replies.
“But it’s cold outside, bubbeh,” he says. So Daniel goes into the garden and is shocked to see his grandfather sitting on a terrace chair with nothing on below his waist. “Zaydeh,” he cries, “what on earth are you doing undressed on such a cold day?”
His grandfather stares into the distance then turns to Daniel and replies, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your bubbehs idea.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

What’s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

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