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How do you know if a lesbian is butch?

She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

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Related:  Football (+145)      

The Chicago Bears 2000 schedule and changes.

September

15…………….Tefft Junior High School
22…………….Cub Scout Troop #101
29…………….Chicago Blind Academy

October
6……………..Spanish American War Vets
13…………….Crippled Children’s Home
20…………….Elgin Mental Hospital
27…………….Girl Scout Troop # 353

November

3………………Illinois Venereal Disease Clinic
10……………..Cicero Boys Choir
17……………..Korean Amputees

SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME

December

9………………Wrigleyville Gay Boys Club

** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **

1 – When playing polio patients, the Bears must not disconnect knee braces.
2 – When playing the Blind Academy, the Bears must not hide the football under their jerseys.

** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **

1 – A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line for all you Bears fans that have never seen this ) it is still worth 6 points.
2 – The Bears will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 – The Bears will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time.
4 – The Bears will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team.
5 – The Bears will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.

** NAME CHANGE **

The Chicago Bears will be changed to the “Chicago Tampons” as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

** COACHING CHANGES **

Dave Wannstedt will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a few, but she certainly won’t choke on the big ones!!!

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Related:  HR (+462), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: Do I have to dress as a man every day?
A: No, Saturday, Sunday and national holidays are exempt.

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Related:  Little Johnny (+648)      

A Teacher asks her class to use the word “contagious.” Roland the class swot, gets up and says, “Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.”

“Well done, Roland,” says the teacher. “Can anyone else try?”

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, “My grandma says there’s a bug going round, and it’s contagious.”

“Well done, Katie” says the teacher. “Anyone else?”

Little Irish Johnny jumps up and says, “Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.”

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Related:  Kids (+2427), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

A: The second one!

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