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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
A leisure centre.

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

The Yo-Yo Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays

Rosh Hashanah – Feast
Tzom Gedalia – Fast
Yom Kippur – More fasting
Sukkot – Feast
Hashanah Rabbah – More feasting
Simchat Torah – Keep feasting
Month of Heshvan – No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Get a grip on ourselves.
Hanukkah – Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet – Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B’Shevat – Feast
Fast of Esther – Fast
Purim – Eat pastry
Passover – Do not eat pastry
Shavuot – Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes etc.)
17th of Tammuz – Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B’Av – Very strict fast (don’t even think about cheesecake or blintzes.)
Month of Elul – End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before the High Holidays arrive again.

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Related:  Politics (+3830)      

A political man to a woman, “You look beautiful today!!!!”
The woman replied, “Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.”
“Sure you could!!” said the political man, “if you could lie as well as I do!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town.
they spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. the first
man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he
will wait. after the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the
road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it
up. the second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he
sits down: “now THIS is what i’ve been waiting for! a hot meal!”

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Related:  Blonde (+4663), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
A: A retarded ape.

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