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Related:  Animals (+5186)      

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

“Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”

“Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road–”

“Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.

Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and told the lawyer so.

“Well,” said the farmer, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move.

However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.

He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”

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Related:  Holidays (+1419)      

A man wanted an Easter pet for his daughter. He looked at a baby chick and a baby duck. They were both very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick. Do you know why? The baby chick was a little cheeper!

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Related:  Blonde (+4657), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

A Rabbi visiting Rome had the good fortune to have an audience with the Pope. While talking about things, the Rabbi noticed a red phone on the Pope’s desk.
The Rabbi asks what the phone was for. The Pope informs him that it’s a direct line to G-d.
The Rabbi askes if he can use it and the pope says of course but that he should leave $100 for the call. The Rabbi thank him and uses the phone.
A few months later, the Pope was visiting the US and makes sure to make a stop to visit his new Rabbi friend. While talking, the Pope notices a red phone on the Rabbi’s desk.
The Pope asks if the phone is what he thinks it is and the Rabbi says of course. The Pope askes if he can use the phone and the Rabbi said that he may bt that he needed to leave $0.50 for the call.
The Pope was surpised and asked, “You use my phone and I ask you to leave $100 and, yet, when I use your phone I am to leave only $0.50. Why is that?”
The Rabbi smiled and replied, “Because here it is a local call.”

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Related:  Celebrity (+956)      

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…”duh”…bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March – Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!

June – Tried to go water skiing…couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…car swamped, because top was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…isn’t it’

October – Hate M & M’s…they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December – Couldn’t call 911…”duh”…there’s no “eleven” button on the phone!

What a year!

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