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A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”

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10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou sucketh!”

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”

5. Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap.”

4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.

3. Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, ’cause the beard ain’t listening.”

2. Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”

1. He’s wearing his big black hat backwards.

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During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by
the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a
hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go
down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at
least they would die laughing.

The navigator went down and said to the crew, “What would
you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick
against the table?”

The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out
and whammed it on the table. Just when the dick hit the table,
a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were
the captain and the navigator.

As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator,
“Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?” The
navigator told him.

The captain replied, “Well, you better be careful with that dick
of yours. The torpedo missed!”

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Related:  Music (+2464), Q & A (+15906)      

Q. What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A: You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.

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