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Related:  Holidays (+1419)      

Q: What is a cannibal’s favorite type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.

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Related:  Kids (+2428)      

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE…

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”
- Jan, age 9

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
- Harlen, age 8

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS…

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.”
- Dave, age 8

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU…

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.”
- Del, age 6

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.”
- Alonzo, age 9

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.”
- Bart, age 9

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS…

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.”
- Doug, age 7

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.”
- Carin, age 9

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.”
- Mike, age 10

WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
- Rebecca, age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
- Billy, age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
- Karl, age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
- Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
- Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
- Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”
- Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
- Bobby, age 5

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”
- Nikka, age 6

“There are two kinds of love. Our love. God’s love. But God makes both kinds of them.”
- Jenny, age 4

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
-Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
-Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”
- Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”
- Clare, age 5

“Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.”
- Elaine, age 5

“Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”
- Chris, age 8

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
- Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”
- Lauren, age 4

“I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.”
- Bethany, age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”
- Karen, age 7

“Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
- Mark, age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”
-Jessica, age 8

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

The following are actual incidents reported…
#1
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then, he discovered the problem – a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD”. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.
#2
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
#3
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen’s Ball.”
He replied, “Highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

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Related:  Blonde (+4664)      

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?” She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says, “Mummy, what are they doing?” The mother hesitates then quickly replies, “Ummm they are making cakes.”
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, “Making cakes.”
The next day the girl says to her mother, “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?” Shocked, the mother asks, “How do you know?”
She says, “Because I licked the icing off the sofa.”

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