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From the folks who make the Invisible Fence for cats and dogs, now comes the Invisible Fence Bra for your teenage daughter!
Using advanced electromagnetic technology, the Invisible Fence Bra creates a safety zone around Daddy’s Little Angel.
If a horny young bastard has decided to skip the Church social and head right to the Devil’s Playground, your daughter will be safe and secure with this bra. Attempting to remove it without keying in the secret combination results in a “slight correction” to the horny young bastard.
Voltage levels are set in ten ascending doses including: “Don’t Go There, Boyfriend”, “Freddy’ll Lose His Fingers”, “Rushin’ Hands, Electrocuted Fingers”, “Char Your Fingers To The Bone”, and, the ultimate level, “Any Last Words Before We Throw The Switch?”
Ladies, do *you* have a boss that likes to reach over your shoulder for a pencil on your desk? The Invisible Fence Bra has an accessory which clips underneath your chair. When the boss’s hand dips into the the “No Fly Zone”, the magnetic field of the bra triggers the mechanical arm of the accessory we like to call: “Balls Through The Wall.” Your boss can then apply for a role on “The Sopranos.”
Don’t delay! Operators are standing by now.

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Related:  Financial (+1218)      

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”

@IRS

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

What’s dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.

What’s dumber than that?
Reading them.

Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.

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Related:  LGBT (+289), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
A: They’re right! We do taste like chicken!

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

Yo daddy’s hair so nappy Moses couldn’t part it.
Yo daddy so dumb he went to the bulls game and said which one am i riding.
Yo daddy so fat Alaska said, “I thought we were the biggest state.”
Yo daddy so fat he jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo daddy so fat he put a blanket over the ocean and called it his waterbed!
Yo daddy so fat he walked outside with a yellow jacket on and everyone yelled “Taxi!”
Yo daddy so fat his parents had to take him to the Pacific Ocean to get him baptized.
Yo daddy so fat when he walks China has an earthquake.
Yo daddy so got damn dumb when somebody told him that it was chilly outside he came out with a bowl.
Yo daddy so old he has to stick his dick in the freezer to get it hard.
Yo daddy so old he knew burger king when he was a prince.
Yo daddy so old Jesus signed his yearbook.
Yo daddy so old that when he sneezes he sneezes dust.
Yo daddy so poor I saw him walking down the street kicking a cardboard box I asked what are you doing he said moving.
Yo daddy so poor that one day I seen him walking down the street with a can and I said what are you doing and he said moving.
Yo daddy so stupid he looked in the mirror and said someone in the house.
Yo daddy so stupid he stared at an orange juice bottle for 20 minutes because it said, “concentrate.”
Yo daddy so stupid he tried to throw a rock at the ground and he missed.
Yo daddy so stupid I told him if he guess how many dollars are in my pocket I will give him both of them he said three.
Yo daddy so ugly that he scared 3 blind people.

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