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Related:  Blonde (+4658)      

Q. What’s a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

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Related:  Blonde (+4658)      

A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.

She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.

She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.

A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her. He said, “Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?”

She said, “Duh! I’m winning here!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32383)      

Some Words of Wisdom…
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot. If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age and few men act theirs. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better. LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools. According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Forget about world peace…Visualize using your turn signal. WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart? Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else. LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math. PURITANISM: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. There are 3 Kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Ever stop to think, and then forget to start again? DIPLOMACY: The art of saying “nice doggie!” until you can find a rock. Lead me not into temptation…I can find it myself.

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Related:  Animals (+5185)      

It was so cold…
people were waking up the bears and offering them honey popsicles if they’d share their hibernation secrets.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32383)      

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?

For flossing after eating.

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