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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688)      

- “Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on ‘stunning.’”

- “I can’t help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!”

- “Nice Asimov.”

- “Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.”

- “Earth woman, prepare to be probed!”

- “I’m the droid you’re looking for.”

- “Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or… well, I’m just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears.”

- “Hey, baby. I own Microsoft.”

- “Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent.’”

- “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you watch me masturbate while I download pictures of Jeri Ryan?”

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Related:  Q & A (+15909)      

Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?

A: Dill-dough!

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Related:  Animals (+5197)      

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil- pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for A walk around town. He sees an ice- cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

“No, no,” the penguin replies, “It’s just ice cream.”

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Related:  Holidays (+1419)      

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

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Related:  Q & A (+15909)      

Q: Why does history keep repeating itself?
A: Because we weren’t listening the first time!

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