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Related:  Bar (+1638)      

A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of wine. He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry.

She said, “Oh Sherry by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I’m lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I’m about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world.”

“On the other hand, Port makes me fart.”

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Related:  Kids (+2428), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: Why did the cook get arrested?
A: Because he beat up an egg!

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Related:  Blonde (+4664)      

Two blondes are walking in the woods when one looks down and says, “Look dog poop.” The other bends down, smells it and says, “Smells like dog poop.” They both stick there fingers in it and say, “Feels like dog poop.” They taste it and say, “Tastes like dog poop.” Then one says to the other, “Sure glad we didin’t step in it.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands and
kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is
lying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.
All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie, ” Man, I don’t believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2
thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is a
fag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can’t do it. I won’t
even give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it
be.”

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn’t come up
with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says,” Could you give us just a little time to think about it? I
mean one wish we need a little time.”

The Genie looks down and says, “Alright you can take as long as you
want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just
can’t stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind just
wish for it and it will done.”

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.
Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room and
decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotions
took over and they starting doing all that fag stuff.

Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted
down and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw a
rope around their necks.

Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, ” You know this might be a good time use
our wish.”

Fag2 says, “I already made it.”

Fag1 ” What the hell did you wish for?”

Fag2 ” Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers.”

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Related:  Jewish (+6996)      

Yossel the Hassid is in London on business. It’s now one hour to shabbes and he’s all dressed up in his special shabbes clothes ready to go to a local shul. He takes the lift to the ground floor and walks towards the exit. As he reaches the reception area, he sees a stunning British Airways air hostess with blond hair and a face and figure he could die for. She has just checked in. As soon as she sees Yossel, she stops in her tracks and walks quickly over to him.
“Hello,” she says to him.
“Hello to you too,” he says.
“I have a confession to make,” she says.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I have a sexual fantasy,” she says.
“Nu, so go on,” he says.
“I’ve always wanted to be with a Hassidic man. I want to run my hands up and down his white silk socks, run my hands over his tzitzis and my fingers through his beard, play with his peyess, eat kichel with him, poke my finger in his puppik, remove his gatkes, play with his shlong and then shtup. So I want you to join me now. I have a room upstairs just waiting for us. What do you say?”
Yossel looks at her thoughtfully and says, “And whats in it for me?”

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