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Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5686)      

The five questions are:

1 – “What are you thinking?”
2 – “Do you love me?”
3 – “Do I look fat?”
4 – “Do you think she is prettier than me?”
5 – “What would you do if I died?”

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 – “What are you thinking?”
The proper answer to this question, of course is, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.” Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a – Football
b – Baseball
c – How fat you are.
d – How much prettier she is than you.
e – How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. “If I wanted you to know,” Al said, “I’d be talking instead of thinking.”
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 – “Do you love me?”
The correct answer to this question is, “Yes.” For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, “Yes, dear.” Wrong answers include:

a – I suppose so.
b – Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c – That depends on what you mean by “love”.
d – Does it matter?
e – Who, me?

3 – “Do I look fat?”
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, “No, of course not” and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a – I wouldn’t call you fat, but I wouldn’t call you thin either.
b – Compared to what?
c – A little extra weight looks good on you.
d – I’ve seen fatter.
e – Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 – “Do you think she’s prettier than me?”
The “she” in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, “No, you are much prettier.” Wrong answers include:

a – Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b – I don’t know how one goes about rating such things.
c – Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d – Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner.
e – Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 – “What would you do if I died?”
Correct answer: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino’s Pizza truck that came my way.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32385)      

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aids.

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Related:  Alaska (+171)      

Real Alaskans should piss in the Yukon River and made love to an Alaska Native woman.

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Related:  LGBT (+289)      

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences. I guess I am.”

After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied, “I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.”

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

To which he replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

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