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Related:  Halloween (+1180), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?

A: I Scream.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn’t aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.

An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight.”That’s fantastic”, the
man said. “Hasn’t he scored three bulls?”

The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.

“Yes, sir!”, he announced to the crowd. “This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!”

“I don’t want any bloody glasses”, the drunk replied. “Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!”

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Related:  Technology (+1816)      

You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name.

You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.

Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.

The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.

The local post office would tell your mother you’re not a known resident.

The local post office won’t forward your mail to you when you move.

If you saw a crime and called 911, they’d reply a week later with a form letter saying how you “really are important to us.”

Every time you went shopping, you’d be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, “We’re Sorry, This Store is Temporarily Unavailable”.

Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.

You’d occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.

You’d not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone’s mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.

The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

A straight guy and a gay are in the men’s room and the straight guy has
his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked
how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, “I put Vaseline
on it every night.” That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went
to bed. His partner George said, “What in the hell is that?” “It’s to grow
hair.” he replied. “Bull shit!” said George. “If Vaseline grew hair… I’d
have tail a mile long!

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Related:  Q & A (+15908)      

Q: What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?
A: Depth perception.

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