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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688), Q & A (+15910)      

Q: Why don’t women have men’s brains?
A: because they don’t have penises to put them in

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Related:  Christmas (+1018)      

‘Twas the week before Xmas, the sunlight was pale.
The presents I ordered are not in the mail.
The payments were made a full month in advance,
or early enough to leave little to chance.

When what to my wandering mind should transpire,
but the prospect of tag via telephone wire
with an answering service who doesn’t know squat,
and an outstanding check, and a balance of WHAT?

It’s too late to hassle, and nothing else works.
I can’t send a present, for dealing with jerks.
But if the mail-order will get the stuff here,
I’ll try to have something in time for next year.

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems okay, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.
“It’s pretty nice,” she replies, “except they won’t let you fart.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32427)      

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

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