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Related:  Animals (+5196), Q & A (+15909)      

Q: What does a sled dog that was an Iditarod competitor become after it is ten years old?

A: Eleven years old.

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Related:  Office (+195)      

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________

KNOWLEDGE:
1.____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous
3.____ Only half a brain and is dangerous
4.____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I.Q.

ACCURACY:
1.____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women
2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass
3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten
4.____ Couldn’t count his balls and get the same number twice

ATTITUDE:
1.____ Extremely cooperative (Kisses ass frequently)
2.____ Brown noser in poor standing
3.____ Often pisses off co-workers; thinks it’s his job
4.____ Doesn’t give a shit, never did, never will

RELIABILITY:
1.____ Really a dependable little cocksucker
2.____ Can rely on him at evaluation time
3.____ Can rely on him to be the first one out the fucking door
4.____ Totally worthless

APPEARANCE:
1.____ Extremely neat; even combs his pubic hair
2.____ Looks great at evaluation time
3.____ Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch
4.____ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him

PERFORMANCE:
1.____ Goes like a son of a bitch, if there is money in it for him
2.____ Does Ok around evaluation time
3.____ Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes
4.____ Couldn’t do less work if he were in a coma

LEADERSHIP:
1.____ Carries chain saw and gets good results
2.____ Occasionally gets told to get screwed
3.____ Mother Theresa tells him to get screwed
4.____ Couldn’t lead a pack of hungry wolves to meat

I understand I have been evaluated and know my rights under the Privacy Act of 1969. I further acknowledge I am as screwed up as a football bat and will attempt to correct my deficiencies.

EMPLOYEE SIGNATURE ________________________

MANAGER SIGNATURE ________________________

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32430)      

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He says,”What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!”
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he’s going, he replies…
“I’m going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!”

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Related:  Christmas (+1017), Q & A (+15909)      

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

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Related:  Men vs. Women (+5688)      

- “Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on ‘stunning.’”

- “I can’t help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!”

- “Nice Asimov.”

- “Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.”

- “Earth woman, prepare to be probed!”

- “I’m the droid you’re looking for.”

- “Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or… well, I’m just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears.”

- “Hey, baby. I own Microsoft.”

- “Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent.’”

- “If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you watch me masturbate while I download pictures of Jeri Ryan?”

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