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DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent
light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm,
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

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Related:  College (+415)      

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32383)      

What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
“I am ewe.”

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Related:  Celebrity (+957)      

Eva Longoria walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ‘I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door’
‘Why sure,’ said the manager, ‘we have something that works especially well for that.’

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how Eva Longoria was doing and he heard another voice. ‘No, no! A little to the left,’ said her friend inside the car.

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Related:  Animals (+5185), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: How do you catch a polar bear?

A: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole.
Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

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