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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He’s got spiked, multicoloured
hair that’s green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of
leather rags. His legs are bare and he’s wearing worn-out shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewellery and his earring
are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly
across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: “What are
you looking at you old fart… didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were
young?”
Without missing a beat, the old man replies: “Yeah, back when I was young
and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with
a parrot… I thought maybe you were my son.”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32431)      

The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey-Nice bike!
Where did you get it?” “Well,” replies the other, “I was walking to
class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this
bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘you can
have ANYTHING you want!’” “Good choice,” says the first guy, “her
clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.

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Related:  Politics (+3831), Q & A (+15908)      

Q: How do you satisfy Clinton’s sexual appetite?
A: It takes a village

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Related:  Politics (+3831)      

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
news. “Ma,” he shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!”

“Honestly?”

The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time
like this?”

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Related:  Bar (+1638)      

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.

It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. “Your on!”, he says.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.

The second guy hands the first guy the money. “I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.”

“No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

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