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These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day
Larry said to Joe, “You know man its been a long time since we had some
sex so you oughta let me fuck you.” Joe replied. “Are you crazy?!!” Larry
went on to say, “I promise you that it won’t hurt and we’ll flip a coin
and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and
finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong
reservation Joe asked, “How will you tell if it hurts or not?” Larry told
Joe, “If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I’ll stop. But if it
feels good start singing.” Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,
Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River……

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small
town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while
she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her
clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her
garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn’t find
any money. Well, a couple of hours later the old laty got
home and when she saw what had happened to her house she
immediately called the police. When the officer on the other
end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was
she simply replied “yes officer someone broke into my house,
took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my
pussy.

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Related:  Jewish (+6993)      

On his wedding day, Shlomo’s father-in-law Louis came up to him and said, “I’m a wealthy man, as you know, and for your wedding present I’ve decided to make you a partner in my business. All I need to know from you now is what department you would like to start work in. What about Accounts?”
“Me, in Accounts?” said Shlomo, “why I can’t even add 2 figures together.”
“All right then, what about IT?”
“What do I know about IT?” said Shlomo, “for years I thought PC stood for police constable.”
Louis was confused. OK, what about joining the sales team?”
“Look dad, I have a much better idea. How about you buying me out?”

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Related:  Music (+2463)      

Top Ten Uses For Tubas ~

10. A musical instrument.

9. A floatation device.

8. Something flute players can’t keep their hands off.

7. A mirror.

6. Punishment. (freshmen + Kieth carry heavy tubas all year)

5. A battering ram

4. A chair.

3. Babe Magnet

2. Trash Can (freshmen + Kieth’s tubas)

1. Storage Container for music, field show charts, soda, food, tools, towels, and koosh balls!!

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Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile
cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under
it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries
starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it! He
says, “What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re gonna eat
us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?”

The other missionary says, “I just peed in the soup.”

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