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Related:  Birthday (+99), Q & A (+15911)      

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?

A: When it’s been sliced.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32432)      

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!”
Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies.
“I’ll take those mirrors out right away!”

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Related:  Redneck (+1459)      

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman appear in the driver’s rear-view mirror. “Don’t worry!” says the driver to his friend, “Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, we’ll peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!”
They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. “Have you been drinking?” he asks them.
“Oh no Sir,” replies the driver.
“I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.
“Oh, no sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”
“Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”
“That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. “You see, we’re both alchoholics, and we’re on the patch!”

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Related:  Light Bulb (+1131)      

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Related:  Jewish (+6995)      

Irwin Meyers was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife, Kitty, was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, “You’re beautiful.”
Flattered, Kitty continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, “You’re cute.”
“What happened to ‘beautiful’?” Kitty asked Irwin.
“The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.

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