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Related:  Sex (+4811)      

Mrs. Cleaver went to the door of the Beaver’s room, and said, “It’s pretty quiet in there, what are you boys doing?”

The Beav’s brother Wally said, “Aaaaaaaaw, Gee, Mom, I’m just eating peanuts!”

So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Beav, are you in there? What are you doing?”

The Beaver said, “Jeepers mom, just eating peanuts like Wally!”

So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Is that Eddie? What are you doing in there, Eddie?”

Eddie said, “Uh, hi Mrs.Cleaver. I’m just eating peanuts with Wally and the Beaver here!”

So Mrs. Cleaver said, “Well, you boys come on out. You’ve got to clean the garage before your father gets home.”

So, out come the boys, followed by a girl who is adjusting her dress.

Mrs. Cleaver says to the girl, “Well I don’t think I’ve met you! What’s your name?”

The girl says, “Well, my real name’s Sally but my friends all call me ‘Peanuts’!”

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32384)      

You Can Never Really Go Back
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were
sitting at the
breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,
“Just think, honey,
we’ve been married for 50 years.”
“Yeah,” she replied, “Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting
here at this breakfast
table together.”
“Hmmm,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as
jaybirds fifty years
ago this morning.”
“Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we?” Whereupon the
two stripped
to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My
nipples are as hot for you
now as they were fifty years ago.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and
the other one’s in
you oatmeal!”

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Related:  Financial (+1216), Q & A (+15907)      

Q: Why do economists carry their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in the (morally/intellectually) handicapped parking.

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Related:  Italian (+655)      

Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, “Antonio, what did you learn in school today?”
Antonio replied, “Well, we learned about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation.”
Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran up to his room, crying.
Antonio’s mother walked in and said, “Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?”
Grandma replied, “Well, I asked him what he learned in school today. He started talking about sex, and penises, and masturbation!”
Antonio’s mother said, “Ma! That’s what they learn. It’s called sex education!”
Well, Grandma felt bad about hitting Antonio, so she went upstairs to apologize. When she opened his bedroom door she found him on his bed masturbating.
Without a blink, she said, “Antonio, when you’re finished with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me.”

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Related:  Alabama (+375)      

It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University’s response was “Why do we need another phone company?”

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