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Related:  Music (+2462), Q & A (+15906)      

How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tuba glue.

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Related:  Technology (+1814)      

My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, “oh well what the hey”
Now I’d have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse
It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL
Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail
Then I remembered the Good Guy’s Store
And all those computers by the door
I’d go there and when alone
With no one looking I’d sign-on
I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound
Then I typed my password, and the computer said, “Goodbye”
And that’s what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix
I …slowly… typed… my… password…
then…I…stood….and…waited
The darned thing said , “Goodbye” again and I got real frustrated
That’s when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shreiking scream
When I woke I was handcuffed being booked I think
I asked the data entry cop, if he’d get me a drink
Now I’m sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well.
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

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Related:  Animals (+5183), Q & A (+15906)      

Q: What’s a sign that you have an irrational fear of icebergs?
A: You start having water-tight compartments installed in your pants.

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Related:  Technology (+1814)      

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

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Related:  Unsorted Jokes (+32386)      

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

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